Betrayal
by Sosolamby
Summary: Declan comes to see Amanda after she gave birth. The only thing is that a darkness has grown within him. Mentions of rape so be warned.
1. Chapter 1

_***** I don't own anything, everything goes to Dick Wolf*****_

* * *

Amanda was sitting on her couch enjoying the silence of her apartment. Her baby girl had finally fallen asleep. It had been a really long day; Jesse had cried all day and she couldn't do anything. The new mother was tired but she wasn't ready to go to sleep just yet. Moreover, she was expecting Carisi to come over since it wasn't that late and he knew that his friend was starting to go crazy on maternity leave. After a while, she turned on the TV but kept it on mute. After a while, she was drowsing on her couch when she heard a knock. _'Already'_ she thought.

The athletic woman quickly got up, turn off the TV, tried to rub the sleep off of her face and went to the door. She hadn't been sure that he would come but she found herself being enthusiastic about it. When Amanda got to the door, she looked at herself in the mirror and made sure she wasn't looking too bad. She didn't even bother to look through the peephole. "Hi, Cari-"

She stopped in mid-sentence when she saw that it wasn't him.

"Hi, darling."

The detective didn't know how to answer. She hadn't talked to him since he had come to New York, months ago, when she was still pregnant with Jesse. As far as she knew, he was still undercover miles away.

The more she looked at him , the more she saw how broken he appeared to be. He also looked older. Something had changed inside him. Something darker.

"You've had our baby."

It's only when he spoke again that she understood that he was drunk. The fact that he had used 'our baby' bothered her but didn't say anything. Amanda had never really seen Declan as the father. Yes, it was because of him that she had had Jesse and she was grateful about that, but Carisi was more of a father to the baby girl than the biological father. She couldn't just stay silent forever, she had to say something at some point, but what? "I-I -"

She didn't have the time to form a proper sentence before he continued, "you didn't want me to know that it was born? What gender is it anyway darling?"

"It's a girl," she answered quickly not wanting to anger him. She didn't know what he was expecting by coming here and moreover, what to expect from him according to his current state.

"I have a baby girl," he said less agitated than a few seconds ago. he even had a shy smile on his face. "What's her name?"

They were still standing in the door frame and Amanda didn't know where this was leading. Why was he here?

"Jesse, but what are you doing here Declan?"

He scoffed and lost his smile at her answer. " Well, a man can't come to see his newborn? I told you I would take my responsibilities."

Declan was stumbling on almost every word and Amanda wondered how he was still standing. "Declan, she's asleep and I told you I could take care of her on my own. You're always away."

His face took a shade of red darker, "what? Won't you let me see her?"

She didn't like at all that he was getting angry over this so she tried to change the subject. " What about your UC operation? Is it over? Is it safe for her that you come here?"

"It's been shut down, apparently, we weren't getting anywhere. So, yes it's safe, I wouldn't put her in danger." It was half the truth. It had been shut down but not because they didn't have any leads anymore, but because he was becoming a little bit too much at ease playing the pimp and the department didn't like that. But he couldn't tell her that. He couldn't let her see the darkness that had started to win over him. "So, are you gonna let me in or not?"

"Um... Jesse's asleep..."

"I know you already told me that but I figured we could talk somehow. It won't be long and maybe you could at least show me some pictures."

"Alright..." She reluctantly backed away from the door to let him in. As soon as he had enough space to walk in, he did; not letting her the chance to have second thoughts. She trusted him when he was sober but didn't know how he acted when he was drunk.

He quickly took off his coat but left his boots on. He made his way into her living room already knowing his way around her apartment. The man didn't even wait for the owner to follow. He still remembered the place from less than a year ago like it was yesterday.

When she had bought that apartment, she didn't know she would have a baby, but she had a spare bedroom. Before Jesse came along, she was using that room as a bureau. So now, she and Jesse had separate rooms.

When he got in the living room, stumbling a bit on his way, he saw Frannie laying on her cushion. The dog hadn't even barked when he had knocked like it used to do before. _'Amanda probably trained it not to wake Jesse'_ he thought.

Once Amanda had finally entered the room, after taking a minute to prepare herself for whatever discussion they were going to have, Declan was sitting on her couch. She went to sit on the rocking chair in front of him. She loved that chair, Carisi had made that gift to her so she would be able to put Jesse asleep more easily. Sitting there helped her to calm her nerve a little bit.

When she was calm enough, she looked up and locked eyes with Declan. What she saw scared her a little. The darkness had started to come back on the surface.

* * *

 _ ***** Sorry if there's any mistake, English isn't my first language but I do my best with the correction. I'm not sure where I'm going with this yet so if you guys have any idea let me know. Thanks for reading and a review would make my day. :)*****_


	2. Chapter 2

_***** I don't own anything, everything goes to Dick wolf*****_

* * *

Amanda didn't know how to start the conversation. Her brain couldn't function as it should right now. There was a piece missing to the puzzle. A piece that would explain how the right and clear-headed man that she had always respected could seem so close to explode. Amanda didn't recognise him anymore. The young mother couldn't see what could possibly have caused all this. She was brought back from her thought when Declan spoke. "How have you been?"

"Good, I guess," she simply stated. The detective didn't how much alcohol the older man had drank, but it must have been a good amount since he a hard time to talk. "Do you want some coffee?"

"Yes, thank you."

She slowly got up from her chair and went to make some coffee for him. She was expecting to go to sleep early tonight so she didn't take one. Not even five minutes later, she was back in the living room, giving the coffee and hoping it would sober him up a little. She didn't like the idea of him being drunk when Jesse was in the apartment.

He gave her a simple nod when he received the coffee and waited for her to take a seat again. "So, why didn't you called me? When you were going to give birth I mean"

"Well, it was a little hard to call. There was some complication before I gave birth. But I have a healthy little girl now. That's what matters," she left it at that not wanting to go into details.

"You mean _we_ have a little girl," He didn't sound angry but Amanda could see that he wasn't happy either. She should have chosen her words better. But she couldn't help it. Whenever she would talk about Jesse to others, it was always only _her_ daughter, not _their_ daughter.

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm just used to telling other people that she's mine. I mean no one knows that you're the father so I kind of took the habitude."

Her guts were telling her that _this_ , whatever it was, was a bad idea. But it was Declan. The man that had saved her multiple times before and had cared about her when she was at her lowest point. She couldn't just kick him out.

"Yeah, _right,"_ his tone told her that he didn't really care about her excuse. "Why haven't you called me afterwards instead? How old is she anyway?"

" She's almost two months old," she had intentionally avoided his first question knowing it wouldn't lead them anywhere.

"Two months and you never called me. I'm the damn father Amanda."

His voice had raised a little and she was afraid he was going to wake up the baby. "I'm sorry, it's just that after our last discussion I didn't know if it was a good idea to tell you. I didn't want to bother you and most of all I didn't know if it was safe for all of us. You were still undercover back then."

Ater that, Declan didn't say anything. She took has if he understood her point of view, but the truth was that he boiling inside. He wanted to keep his cool but he was mad at her. Declan knew Amanda had good reasons not to call him but still he was pissed.

Once the silence was too much for her, she got up and went to pick the photo album that she had started of Jesse. When she came back, she saw how red he was and hoped that some pictures of the baby would calm him down enough for him to leave.

Amanda sat beside Declan and gave the album. He started to look through it. It was mostly photos of Jesse sleeping since it was the only thing she had done during her days; when she wasn't crying, of course.

"She's so beautiful, Amanda, just like you," she smiled at his compliment. She could hear in his voice that the alcohol had started to leave his system because he was taking a lot better now.

Declan gave her the book back. He wasn't feeling well at all at the moment. While looking at the picture, he had drifted to a very dark place where no one could stop him. He got up from the couch suddenly and it mad Amanda jump.

While he headed for Jesse's bedroom, the mother wasn't far behind him, calling his name. "Declan, stop. She's sleeping."

He turned around abruptly and it made her bump into his chest. She could feel he had gained some muscle since the last time she had seen him.

"I just want to see her Amanda!" he yelled at her, clenching his fists.

For a moment, Amanda really thought he was going to hit her and she froze. She couldn't let him be close to her child right now. He was losing it.

When she recovered he was standing in front of Jesse's door that was slightly open. The young mother was glad the baby girl hadn't wake up when the man had yelled. But now, she wouldn't be asleep for much longer if she didn't stop him from going inside and she jumped in front of him.

She ended up between him and the door. Soon after, she reached behind her and grabbed the door handle and slowly closed the door.

"Amanda," he warned looking her straight in the eyes, "get out of my way."

"I can't do that. You're drunk and I don't want you around her in that state."

Declan couldn't control himself. He didn't even know himself what he wanted to do once he was going to be in the room and that scared him to no end. He was really angry at Amanda right now. She couldn't keep his daughter away from him.

"I'm sorry Declan"

At that, he snapped and hit the door with his right hand right beside Amanda's head. She froze again and heard Jesse's whimpers on the other side of the door but it quickly quieted down. God, that baby could sleep trough anything when she wanted.

Amanda was scared as hell right now. She was scared for her little girl's safety. The blond woman had to find a way to make him leave or at least get away from her daughter's room.

Declan was standing really close to her which made it hard for her to think straight. After he had hit the door, he had listened to the baby that had been disturbed in the other room. Once it had quieted down, he had just stared at Amanda, hoping she would just step away from the door. That darkness that had grown inside him was starting to get the better of him and he was hoping it wasn't going to make him hurt them. He wasn't himself right now and the remaining of liquor in his body was making it even worse.

Amanda thought of every possible way that she could get him away from where he was standing. Only one seemed to fit. It was the only one where the chance of him getting even madder was low. So, she chose that option.

She slightly wrapped her arms around his waist and spoke, "come let's just get to bed and you'll see her later."

"I'm not tired," he said stubbornly. She was scared of him now and deep down she had hoped that it wouldn't have come to this, but her luck seemed to be bad today.

"Me either," she simply said. She got up on her toes kissed him slightly on the mouth, trying not to cringe doing it. It wasn't only the fact that Amanda was afraid of him right now that was making her cringe, but also the fact that she felt like she was cheating on Carisi. They weren't together but they had really started to build a relationship during the past few months.

After a few second, she backed off, he had responded to the kiss so she took his hand and led him towards her bedroom.

She was going to make anything if it meant that her little girl would be safe.

* * *

 _ ***** Thanks for reading. Again, if there any mistakes just let me know and I try to correct them. If you have any idea just let me know, I have an idea for the next chapter but after that, i'm not sure. Please review I would really like to know if you guys like it :).*****_


	3. Chapter 3

The way to Amanda's bedroom was short but, for her, it took forever to get there. Once she had grabbed Declan's hand, he had started putting his other hand around her body. His touches weren't that rough but they weren't kind either. The blond kept walking with him really close behind her. Each step was a little victory because Jesse was a bit safer.

At one point, Declan dropped the young mother hand and she had feared he would get back to the baby's room. For the fist time in her life, she was scared and released at the same time when she felt his arm making their way around her waist from behind.

Her plan was that once she had brought him into her bedroom he would either fall asleep or want to continue what she had started and after, he would fall asleep. When he would be asleep, she would be able to leave with Jesse. At first, she thought that she could really sleep with him, but now she wasn't so sure about that. _Why couldn't I just kick him out?_ she thought to herself.

Deep down, she knew that if she had tried to get him out of her apartment it would have probably ended up with him angry as hell and her daughter in danger. Amanda couldn't risk it.

When they reached the bedroom, the man had is hands under her shirt; trying to take it off. To prevent him from doing it, Amanda turned around so she would face him and put both arms alongside her body. They were standing in the middle of the dark room. Only the lights from outside were lighting up the bedroom. When she turned around he took the opportunity to kiss her forcefully and she couldn't take it anymore. Declan was reeking alcohol. She parted and looked at him.

"Why don't we just go to sleep?" she tried to convince him. Right after she had asked her question, he was kissing her and pulling at her shirt again.

Declan wasn't listening anymore. Ever since the first kiss in the hallway, the tall man was trapped in his head. He had only one goal; release. He had seen Amanda talking earlier but had no clue of what she had said. Not that he cared either. He was becoming the undercover character that he had been for so long and didn't even know it.

"Declan, can we just sleep?" she tried again parting away from him.

"Shut up, you started this," he coldly answered. She froze briefly for the third time that night. This man wasn't Declan anymore. It was like all kind of life had been drained from his eyes. Amanda got out of his hold, but before she knew it she was being pushed onto her bed.

"Declan, stop!" Amanda screamed. It came out weak, though, more like a plea than a scream since her voice was full of fear. Declan was standing at the foot of the bed and smirked at her.

When he started the climb above Amanda, she kneed him in the groin. It got her enough space and time to push him off her and get up. She started to run but Declan got up and tackled her against her dresser. Amanda's breath got caught in her lungs when two of the drawer handle dug into her back.

Declan had her pinned against the furniture so tight that she could barely breathe.

"Stop... you... you're.. hurt...hurting... me," she was gasping for air. He wasn't controlling himself and if he kept her there longer, he might end up killing her.

Once Amanda started to struggle harder, he grew angry and dragged her against the nearest wall. At least, there she could breathe a little, but when he banged her head against it, she saw stars. The room was spinning and she would have fallen on the ground if the taller man wasn't holding her.

Declan was seeing red and hit her in the stomach before letting her fall. Amanda was laying on the floor, her head bleeding and coughing from the blow she had just taken.

Meanwhile, the man just looked at her. He was having an inner battle. When she had hit the ground, he had kind of came back to his senses. It didn't last long, though. A part of him wanted to stop and see if she was alright, but the other wanted to make her pay for what she had done. She had no right to prevent him from seeing his daughter, to tease him and to finally leave him with nothing.

When Amanda got her breathing and sight back, she saw that Declan was lost in his thoughts, it was her chance. She tried to crawl to her nightstand and get her gun but the moment she moved she couldn't hold back a moan. Her ribs were killing her, some of them were probably broken.

The small sound brought Declan back from his thoughts and the darkness won over him. It wasn't about release anymore; it was about vengeance. He kicked her in the stomach and dragged her to her bed. He threw her again onto it.

"Please, don't," she was crying at this point trying to get away. Everything was hurting, she could barely move. "Why are you doing this?" Amanda said, panic evident in her voice.

"Shut up, I won't tell you again," the grown up man simply answered and quickly straddled her and pinned both her hands above her head. He wouldn't let her the chance to hit him this time. Declan reached around himself and got his handcuffs out.

Amanda's eyes widened, she knew that her chances were close to none if she was cuffed. She started to squirm underneath him, but it was to no use. Declan was too strong. The lieutenant bonded the smaller woman's arms together and started kissing her neck.

Amanda was going to be sick, she was sure of it. She closed her eyes and tried to travel aways from this place but the only thing she could here was a crying baby. _'Crap Jesse's awake'_ she thought and hoped that Declan wouldn't hear the little girl.

Meanwhile, the seasoned detective had ripped her shirt open and had started to work on her pants. Luckily for her, he was slow because he had to use one hand to hold her arms. She had to think of how she could get out of this mess. Running away when she was alone would be a difficult task but running away with a baby would be impossible.

While he was working on her pants and kissing his way down her stomach, the young detective looked around the room and saw her phone slightly illuminating the room. Someone was calling her. _Carisi._

* * *

Two blocks away, Carisi was walking towards Amanda's apartment. He had tried to reach her many time before but she wouldn't pick up. He was starting to get worried. Normally, if she didn't want him to come over she would just tell him, it wasn't making any sense.

After the fifth time that he had tried to reach her, Sonny decided to go over there and see what was wrong. His house wasn't that far from her place so he chose to go there on foot. On his way, he tried to think of any reasonable reason that she wouldn't answer his calls. Any came to his mind so he walked faster.

Once at her apartment building, he looked up and saw some lights on in Amanda's apartment. She had to be there. Carisi got inside and made his way up. The moment he saw that her door wasn't totally shut he knew something was wrong.

After he had run all the way up to her front door, he listened to see if someone was close to the door. The only thing he could hear was Jesse's cry. He knew he could get in there without backup, but he couldn't wait so he decided to just call Olivia. After the second ring, she picked up, "Benson."

"Hey, it's Carisi. Listen I just got to Amanda's apartment. The door is open and I can hear Jesse crying but no sign of Amanda. I have to go in and see what's happening. Just thought you should know before I head in."

"I'm on my way," she said and hung up.

Right when the phone call ended, he heard a muffled scream. Sonny didn't need more before he ran in. Everything looked in place but he didn't put too much attention and made his way to Jesse's room. Except for the fact that she was crying, the baby seemed fine so he made his way to Amanda's room.

The door was close but he could hear sounds on the other side. Carisi took his gun out and quickly opened the door. He froze for a second before pointing his gun at the man that had his friend and co-worker pinned on the bed.

"Get off her!" he sternly said. Declan turned around and Carisi looked at Amanda for a brief second. She had tears on her face and seemed so scared. Her eyes were closed and her hand was bleeding. He couldn't take it to see his friend in that state so he turned to looked at his superior.

Declan was still on top of her but he had stopped what he was doing. Sonny recognized the man trough his appearance but had a hard time to identify him trough his action. "I said get off her!" he screamed this time.

Declan slowly got up know that if did anything else he would end up dead.

"Now get on your knees."

That's what he did and Carisi made his way behind him to cuff him to a solid pipe against the wall.

After Sonny had made sure he wasn't going to run, he made his way to Amanda. Her eyes were closed shut but he could tell she was awake. He looked at her whole body to see if there was more serious damage to her body than her head. That's when Carisi noticed that her pants were halfway down her thighs. He quickly glanced towards the assailant and was relieved to see that he was fully dressed. His brought his attention back to Amanda. Carisi uncuffed her and he could tell that she had put up a fight since both her wrist were bleeding.

"Amanda, it's carisi. You're okay. Can you open your eyes for me, please."

She put her arms down to cover herself a little and slowly open her eyes. "Thanks," she simply said.

When Sonny noticed that she was trying to cover herself, he got to her dresser and brought her a sweater. After she had put it on, the small woman got up and Declan spoke," it's because of him that you didn't want me to my daughter. You replace me, you little bitch."

Amanda froze at his words and Sonny saw it. To prevent him from hurting her even more, he hit Declan on te head and he passed out. Once he was out, she headed out of the room.

"You should stay seated, Amanda."

"I need to see Jesse," her voice was frail and she looked so tired. She had turned around to talk but when she turned again she saw her boss in the doorway.

"What happened here?" she was really worried about her subordinate. She wanted to know but no one answered her. "Carisi?"

"Um... When I came in, he was on top of her," he took a step to the right to let her see Declan.

She gasped and went into cop mode. "Alright, Carisi, bring him to the station."

"But..." he looked at Amanda and Olivia understood. He needed to make sure she was okay.

"I'll stay with her."

During the exchange between the two, Amanda was just standing there, thinking of what she could have done differently. Just standing there was starting to be hard on her back and ribs, so she decided to walk. When she arrived at the door, Olivia stopped her, "what are doing, honey?" she said trying to look at her in the eyes.

"Jesse's crying," Amanda answered without even looking at her. Olivia stepped aside to let pass.

"Bring him to the station, I'll bring her to the hospital." She followed Amanda out of the room and Carisi left the apartment whit a semi-conscious Declan.

In Jesse's bedroom, Amanda tried to lift Jesse up but couldn't because every time that she would bend her over the pain was too much bare. Seeing this, Oliva gently put a hand on Amanda's back but took away the moment she saw her friend frown in pain. "Amanda what's wrong?"

"I can't lift Jesse, it hurt too much," she was on the verge of tears. She hated that she couldn't take care of her crying baby.

"It's alright, sweetheart, why don't you go sit down and I'll bring her to you," Olivia just wanted to go to the hospital but knew that the young mother wouldn't go if she couldn't hold her child first. She took Jesse in her arms and made her way in the corner of the room where Amanda was seated.

Once in her mother's embrace, Jesse stopped crying immediately. Amanda was so relieved that no harm had come to her daughter. They all stayed silent for two minutes but Olivia started to worry about Amanda's health. Her head needed to be looked at. "Hey, Amanda," she spoke softly not to frighten the woman, " we have to go to the hospital now, I'm worried about your head."

Amanda lifted her hand to her head and felt blood. She was going to protest but knew that her superior wouldn't give up. "Alright, can you bring her, I'm not sure I'll be able to carry her."

"Of course," Olivia took the small girl in her arm and they both got ready to go to the hospital with the baby.


	4. Chapter 4

Once in the parking lot of the hospital, Olivia got out of Amanda's car and went to the back seat to help Amanda out. the ride had been silent but the lieutenant didn't bother her colleague about it knowing that she had had a rough evening. When Amanda was out, Olivia reached to take the baby's car seat and made their way inside.

Amanda was getting paler with every minute that passed. As soon as they got close to the nurse's desk, a nurse immediately noticed Amanda and went towards them. "Hi, let me get you a wheelchair you don't look too w..."

She couldn't even finish her sentence that Amanda collapsed. The nurse quickly grabbed her. " I need a doctor! NOW!"

Olivia watched in horror, she didn't even have the time to understand what was happening that Amanda was being transported into an examination room. She tried to follow them but was stopped by the same nurse who had prevented her friend from falling on the ground. "You'll have to stay here. It's not a good idea to bring the baby in there. Why don't we just go sit down so you can tell me what happened to your friend."

Olivia stared at the door that was between herself and Amanda, but when the nurse talked about Jesse, she looked down to the calm baby in the car seat. That's only when she looked down to the child that she noticed how hard she was actually holding onto the safety seat. She followed the nurse and went to sit beside her, putting the infant seat between the two adults.

"I'm Annie," she started softly.

"I'm lieutenant Olivia Benson, this is Jesse," she pointed to the baby, "and the woman you just brought into that room is Amanda Rollins, the mother of Jesse."

"What happened to her lieutenant?" Annie wanted to know the more information that could help them to give their patient the right treatment.

"Um... I don't really know. All I know is that she might have been raped," she sighed at the thought of it, "and that she seems to have injuries on her back and stomach." She was really worried about her subordinate. Why would Declan attack her? She couldn't understand. Mostly, what was he doing at her house? She was brought back from her questions by Annie.

"Alright, anything else?"

"Um.. yeah, her head's bleeding, but that, you probably have already seen it."

"Yeah, I noticed. So I'm gonna go back to tell them to check her back and stomach. If you have any other information just let me know," she started to walk away but turned around quickly. "You mention that she might have been raped, do you want us to do a rape kit?"

"It's not supposed to be her that needs to agree to that?" Olivia didn't want to make such a big decision for the other woman.

"Um... I guess she should but since she's not conscious, you're the only one who can take the decision."

"Alright, then." Olivia was feeling like she was intruding Amanda's privacy and she just hoped that the blond wouldn't be too mad about it.

The nurse left for good leaving only Jesse and Olivia alone. "What are we gonna do while waiting, hein?" she spoke softly to the little girl while cradling the car seat. After a while, she decided to call Carisi.

"Hey, Carisi. How's it going on your side?" she asked as soon as he picked up.

"Um... well I guess, Declan's in holding right now but he's pretty much out of it. I think he's drunk. How's Amanda?"

"She passed out when we arrived at the hospital. They're taking care of her as we speak."

"Jesse?" he asked worriedly.

"She's with me and she is fine."

"Can I come to the hospital?"

Olivia thought about it for a second and decided the Carisi couldn't do anything at the precinct if Declan wasn't sober anyway, "Alright, I'll see you later."

They both hung up. Jesse started to fuss in her seat so the lieutenant picked her up and walked with her in her arms.

Time passed and Olivia was having a hard time staying awake while holding the baby. When Carisi walked in, he rapidly spotted his boss. "Liv!" he called out. "Any news?"

"Unfortunately, no. She has been in there for a while now," she was getting very uncomfortable with the infant in her arm and Sonny noticed it.

"Do you want me to hold her," he asked gesturing to Jesse. Olivia gave her to him and stood up beside his subordinate.

"Can you tell me what happened when you walked in?" she questioned. The tall man took a seat and rubbed a hand across his face while holding Jesse with the other.

"When I hung up with you, I heard a muffled scream and that's when I got in with my gun out. I went to check in Jesse's room first since she was crying but she looked okay. After, I went to Amanda's room. Um.. he was..." he would rather forget about all of it right now but he knew this could help Amanda's case. "He was on top of her. I told him to get off her and he obeyed. I tied him to the pole and went to check on Amanda."

Carisi stayed silent after that and just looked at Jesse. He didn't want to remember his injured friend. "How did she look?" Olivia asked.

He gave her a glance but knew she had to ask. "Her hands were cuffed, her shirt was ripped and her pants were halfway down her thighs. Her wrists and head were bleeding and she had some nasty bruising already on her stomach."

Olivia was a little disappointed with herself right now, she had only noticed half the injuries Amanda had. She was supposed to be more alert of this kind of stuff. She had to stop thinking about it because she would make herself angry. "What about Declan?"

"Fully dressed," he answered angrily. Only the thoughts of him made his blood boil. Amanda had worked with him and they seem to get along, why would he betray Amanda like this? That's when he remembered what Declan had said to Amanda. That Amanda didn't want him to see his daughter. Was he Jesse's father? He was going to ask Olivia if she knew anything about it but decided against it. It was probably for the best if he kept it for himself right now.

The seasoned detective, saw Carisi open his mouth as if he was going to say something but didn't say anything. "What?" she probed.

"Nothing," he simply answered, looking at the baby who had fallen asleep again.

"Alright then," she didn't,t want to push it, " how did Declan pass out? I mean, he wasn't really there when I saw him."

"Um... I hit him on the head..." he wasn't proud of it but he would do it again if he had to. Olivia gave him a reprimanding look. "What! you would've done the same thing if you at been at my place. The things he said to her after what he put her through. I should have hit him harder," he almost screamed.

"Calm down Carisi," his boss shouted back, " you're gonna wake Jesse."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you, it just that... this whole thing is so ... intense. I mean why would he do this to her?"

"I don't know Carisi, but we'll find out and he will pay," she calmly said.

Before they could continue their conversation Annis came out of Amanda's room with a doctor. They made their way to them before speaking, "I take it you're the family?" the doctor asked.

"Yes," they boths answered, Carisi standing up with the baby in his arms, not wanting to explain who they were in reality. They had to know how she was.

"Alright, she has a concussion, some broken ribs and some bruising. Also, she lost a good amout of blood through her head wound so we are giving her some as we speak. We would like to keep her overnight to oversee her concussion." He let them the time to process everything before he asked, "any questions?"

"What about the assault?" Olivia questionned absent-mindedly.

"There are signs of sexual assault but fortunantly none of rape. Anything else?"

"Um..." it was Carisi's time to speak, "can we see her?"

"Yes, Annie will bring her into her room and after, she'll bring you to her."

"Alright, thank you doctor," both colleagues responded at the same time. They looked at the doctors' backs and sat down again. The next few minutes passed in silence. After a while Olivia spoke, "we should tell Fin. I know it's getting pretty late but he's his partner after all."

"Yeah, you're right."

"Okay then, I'll be back," she stood up and went to a more private area to call her longtime colleague. He picked up on the third ring.

"Hey, Liv, what's up? We got a case?" he answered sleepily.

"Um... Yes and no. Carisi, Jesse and I are at the Mercy hospital right now, Amanda has been assaulted," she tried to sound reassuring, knowing that Amanda's partner would probably be mad.

"What? What happened? Never mind I'm on my way," he hung up and she couldn't say anything else. When she got back to the waiting room Annie was coming to get them.

"Alright, it's set up. She's still sleeping but it only will do her good. I'll let the baby since she's the mother but try not to make it too oblivious that she's there," she waited for them to gather their things and lead them to Amanda's room.

When entered, they both stopped. She looked so small and she was white as a sheet. Once they took the sight in, Olivia went to sit on the foot of the bed and Carisi put the baby back in her seat before sitting on the chair next to the bed.

"If you need anything I'll be at the main desk," Annie softly spoke before exiting the room.

They both stayed silent for a while. They didn't want to disturb her.  
"I should go wait outside for Fin," Olivia said. She knew that Fin would want information but didn't want to tell him in front of Amanda.

"Alright, I'll stay with her."

Olivia made her way out of the room but before passing the door frame she threw one last glance to Amanda. How could this have happened?

* * *

 _ ***** Thanks for reading. Please review, I want to know what you think of this story so far.*****_


	5. Chapter 5

Amanda couldn't open her eyes. Everything hurt. She didn't know where she was. The more she was coming to, the more she remembered what had happened. Declan wanting to see Jesse, Carisi saving her from... she couldn't think about it. _Where is my daughter?_ the young mother thought. She was starting to panic and getting agitated. After a few second of panic, she felt a hand on her shoulder and she flinched. The hand withdrew from her shoulder. The panic took over and Amanda finally found the strength to open her eyes. The light, even though it wasn't that strong, was hurting her eyes but she kept them open. The detective had to know where she was and with who.

Once her eyes had adjusted to the dimmed light, she looked around and saw Carisi beside her with a concerned face. "How are you feeling?" he kindly asked.

"Jesse..." Amanda mumbled.

"She's right here," sonny answered pointing to the floor. The woman didn't even look down, she trusted Carisi and right now, moving would be a painful task. When he saw that she wasn't moving at all, he understood that was probably in a lot of pain. "Let me get a doctor to see if that can give you anything for the pain," he offered.

"No, I'll be fine Carisi. I just need a minute," she protested.

"I'll get one," he knew she could be stubborn, but right now wasn't the time to be tough. When he was going to open the door, Annie walked in, "hey there, need anything?" the nurse kindly asked.

"Um, yeah, she's suffering can you give her something?"

"Alright, I'll be right back," and she was out of the room again.

Carisi made his way back to Amanda.

"What happened after I left with Liv?"

"When you arrived at here, you passed out," he simply said.

They had to talk about what Declan concerning Jesse. He didn't want to bother her but had to know if it was a secret of not. He could guess the answer but wanted to be sure. "Listen, Amanda," she was a lot more alert than she was a few minutes ago. " I know it's not the time but I just need to know, so I won't screw anything up, does Declan being the father of Jesse needs to be kept a secret?"

Amanda didn't know what to say. She knew that she would have at leats to tell Olivia and since Carisi already knew she didn't want to keep it a secret only from Fin. "I guess that Olivia and Fin will find out eventually, so I guess it didn't really matter if it's today or tomorrow."

"so... is that a no?" he was a bit confused about her answer, Amanda was usually straight to the point with him.

"I guess it's a no, but, please don't go tell them. Just don't lie to them if they asked questions," she looked scared and had tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" he said coming closer.

"Nothing..." she didn't want to talk about it.

"Come on, Amanda, don't lie to me," he probed.

"It's just that... When this goes out, I'm gonna lose my job," she said, a tear running down her face. She was trying really hard not to cry in front of him, she had always hated to cry in front of people.

"Oh, sweetheart, you won't lose your job," he comforted while reaching for her hand. She flinched but quickly calmed down and Sonny took her hand in his.

"Come on, I slept with him, Sonny. He used to be our commanding officer."

"Yeah, _used to be._ He's not anymore and as far as I know, being involved with someone of another department isn't a rule." She stayed silent, thinking he might be right, maybe she wasn't going to lose her job after all.

* * *

Outside of the room, Olivia had just finished calling CSU to go over Amanda's place when Fin walked in and she stood up. "Hey Fin," she called out.

"How is she?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

"She has a concussion, but she'll be okay. They want to keep her for the night. Carisi and Jesse are with her now."

"She's awake?" he was dying to see her.

"She wasn't when I came out of the room to wait for you. Look, Fin, she looks... bad... I mean she has been pretty rough up, but I guess she looks worse because we know her."

"Who would do this..." he sounded a bit broken.

"Declan," only his name made her sick to her stomach. He looked confused, so she explained, " he's the one who..." she couldn't finish her sentence.

"He did this?" he almost screamed. "Why?" he was angry now.

"I don't know..." she sighed.

"What happened?" he wanted answers but no one could give a good one.

"I don't know, Fin, I haven't talked to her," she was as angry as him for not having any answers.

After a few minutes of silence, Annie came up to them. "Sorry to interrupt but she's awake if you want to see her. I'm not sure she will be for long, though, I'll have to give her some things for the pain and it will probably put her to sleep."

Right after that, she left and the pair made their way into the room. When they walked in, Carisi was rubbing her hand and she looked like she had been crying. "Hey partner," he said making his way to her. Carisi got up and step back, letting Amanda's partner take his place.

When took a seat beside her, he look at Jesse who was fast asleep in her car seat. "Don't do that again, Amanda, you scared the hell outta me. Next time, I'll have a heart attack, so don't kill me." they all chuckled.

"Sorry," she quietly said.

"No, it's alright 'Manda. It wasn't your fault."

The room fell silent and Olivia took the opportunity to talk about the case. "So, Amanda, you know you'll have to give us your statement sooner or later?"

"I know, but can it wait 'till I'm home? I want to get out of here," Amanda was trying to avoid the subject.

"Oh no, you're not going home the doctor wants to keep you for the rest of the night and you can barely move in your bed. How do you think you can stand up." It was Carisi's time to speak.

"Plus, I just sent CSU to your place," Olivia added.

Amanda sighed in defeat, "what about Jesse? She needs to get home."

"Don't worry, I'll bring her to my place. I probably have everything at my house for her, and Noah can sleep with me." Olivia offered.

"Thanks, Liv."

As she said that the nurse came back with the painkiller. "Here you go," she said as she put it through her IV. "You will probably be out in a few," Annie said as she got out of the room.

Amanda was already starting to doze off to sleep when her superior spoke, "so I'm gonna get home guys, Jesse will probably hungry soon."

"Alright, I'll stay with her," Fin quickly added. He didn't want to leave his partner's side after what had happened.

After Olivia had left with Jesse, Fin and Sonny stayed silent for a while, watching Amanda sleep.

"Do you know what happened? You talked to her for a bit," Fin finally spoke.

"Umm... All I know is that when I came in, he was on top of her... I should have shot that son of a bitch," ha angrily said.

"Yeah, where is he now?"

"At the station," Carisi said, his eyes locked on Amanda.

"You should get home too, man, you look like hell and you have some blood on your shirt. I've got her," Fin offered.

Sonny looked down to his shirt, he didn't remember when the blood got there but figured it must have been when he freed Amanda from the handcuffs. "Um... You're probably right. Call me if there's any change or if you need anything. I'll be back in the morning." He didn't want to leave her but knew that if at least of the two men didn't get some sleep they wouldn't able to help their friend properly in the morning.

"Don't worry Carisi, I'll take care of her. Now, go before you change your mind."

The young detective smiled to the other and reluctantly left. He needed a shower and some sleep.

It was only Fin now. The bandage on her head and wrists made him angry. He couldn't stand someone who would hurt his partner. "I'm gonna get him, Amanda, believe me, he'll pay for it," he said reaching out for her small hand. She looked so small comparing to him, but would never question her ability to handle herself. He knew she was capable of it.

After that, he leaned against the back of his chair to catch up some sleep. Tomorrow would be a hard day.


	6. Chapter 6

The morning came too fast and Fin didn't get the chance to sleep properly. The chair wasn't comfortable and the nurses walking in at every half hour wasn't helping either. He was glad that they were taking care of her, though. Amanda wasn't awake yet so he decided to get himself some coffee. He stood up and walked out quietly.

As he came back to his partner's room, he met Carisi. "Hey, you're already here," Fin said walking up to him.

"Yeah, I got a call from Liv. As soon as Lucie comes in to watch the kids, she would head over here to question Amanda."

"Alright but Amanda haven't woken up yet. Wich is good since she's going to need a lot of energy for today," Fin pointed.

When the arrived to get into the room, Annie walked out. "Hey, I was hoping to talk to you before the end of my shift," she said catching both detective's attention. "I just thought I would let you know that we stopped giving her blood a while ago and that she should wake up soon."

"Thanks," they both said at the same time. They let Annie passed and made their way in.

Fin took his seat back on the chair and Sonny sat at the end of the bed. They waited in silence for a few minutes, not wanting to disturb her, before she started to wake up.

Amanda slowly opened her eyes and looked around. "What are you still doing here," she directed to both men.

"Fin spent the night here and I just got back," Sonny answered for both of them.

She nodded and closed her eyes again. She knew that she wouldn't get back to sleep but at least, like that, she couldn't see them cuddling her. She hated being taking care of.

They all stayed like that for a while. When Olivia walked in, Amanda opened her eyes and both men stood up to greet her.

"Good morning, Amanda," her boss kindly said.

"Morning," Amanda said back. "How's Jesse?"

"She good, Lucie is taking good care of her right now," she reassured the young mother.

"So, Amanda, are you ready to tell us what happened last night," she said taking a seat in the chair. The men stayed up not wanting to crowd their friend. Her voice was full of concern and care. It was Olivia's 'victim's voice'. Amanda hated that her boss used it on her but couldn't help but to find it soothing.

"I guess as ready as I'll ever be," she softly said.

"Alright then," Olivia said. "Start from the beginning."

"Jesse had just fallen asleep and I was watching Tv. After a while, Declan knocked on my door, he ... he was drunk."

"What did he wanted?"

Amanda looked to Sonny for support and he gave her a small nod to tell her that it was alright. He didn't really know why Declan was there for but when she looked at him for reassurance he figured it was because of what he knew. "He wanted to see Jesse," she simply said hoping they would leave it at that.

"Why," Fin quickly grew suspicious.

"He's... He's the father..." Amanda softly said.

"Alright," Olivia didn't let her surprise show. Fin, on the other hand, did; his mouth fell open. She decided that she would deal with this later. "And then."

"Well, Jesse was asleep, so I told him to leave but he said that we needed to talk. I shouldn't have let him in I had seen he wasn't all there. There was something different but I couldn't tell what..."

"Amanda, you did everything right," Olivia reminded her.

"Anyway," she quickly brushed it off, "we talked, I showed him some pictured and then he stood up. He went towards Jesse's room and I had no idea what he had in mind. Something about him was off. I tried to reason with him but he grew angry. He even hit the door right beside my head at one point. It didn't wake my daughter, though," Amanda smiled at the thought of her baby.

She was getting to the part where it would be hard to talk about in front of Sonny. He would probably hate and never want to see her again, she thought.

When Amanda grew silent, Olivia tried to understand why. She followed the detective glance that was going on and off Carisi. The lieutenant understood that the young mother wasn't comfortable talking about this in front of the guys. She knew both men wouldn't like what she was going to do, but she had to think of Amanda's sake. "Um, guys... You two should head to the station. Declan his probably sober by now and we should interrogate him."

They went to protest but their superior's cut them off, "I don't want any arguments, I need you at the station."

It's not that Amanda wanted them to leave. On the contrary, she wanted them to stay but couldn't bring herself to tell them what she had done.

Once they walked outside of the room, both females stayed silent. Olivia didn't know if it was a good idea to sent them with Declan, without supervision, after what he had done. She knew that Fin was really protective over his partner and that Carisi and Amanda seemed to have grown closer over the past months, so surely they would want revenge. The only thing that the lieutenant hoped was that they wouldn't screw their chance's up to lock Declan behind bars only to give him a few strikes. They had to do this right.

"So, where were we?" Olivia asked getting Amanda's attention back.

"I was trying to talk him off in the corridor."

"Yeah, I remember... What happened next?" Olivia gently probed.

"Declan wouldn't give up so I had to... I'm sorry Liv, I shouldn't have done this, I should have had handled the situation better..." Amanda said with tears filling her eyes.

"Amanda, honey, whatever you might have done gave him no right to do what he did. You know that, right?" Amanda softly nodded only to please her boss. She had said those kinds of things to a lot of victims and had believed it, but hearing them being directed to her was harder to believe.

"So what happened?" she let Amanda the time to form what she was going to say.

"I kissed him and... implied that I... I would sleep with him..." Amanda shyly said. "I know I shouldn't have, but I _had_ to get him as far away as I could from Jesse..." she added defensively.

"And that's alright, Amanda," Olivia reassured the younger woman. "You did what you had to in order to protect your baby girl."

Amanda stayed silent, though. She knew that whatever she was going to say Olivia would never put the blame on her, but she still feared of how her boss would treat her after all this. "You're doing great, honey, keep going," the lieutenant added to keep her talking.

Amanda was starting to hate those endearing names. She felt like she was cuddle and didn't like that. "So after that, I brought him into my bedroom and he... he... I'm sorry I can't..."

"Of course, you can, Amanda, you know I believe you. Right? What are you so afraid of?" Olivia knew that she didn't really have a good relationship with the blonde but hoped that Amanda could still trust her enough to tell her.

"I don't know," Amanda's voice rose a little. She was mad at herself for acting like a child. "Anyway," she quickly added to change the subject. "He started touching me and..." she distanced herself from it so this would be a little bit easier. "... I couldn't do it. I tried to convince him to just go to sleep but he was having none of it. He pushed me onto the bed and climbed over me. I kneed him and ran but..." her eyes were blank at this point. "... He grabbed me and pushed me against my dresser."

Starting from that point, everything was a bit of a blur for Amanda. "After that, all I remember is that he hit my head against something and that he hit me in the stomach."

"You don't remember how you got back onto your bed?"

"Um..." Amanda thought hard. "I think I tried to reach for my gun... Yeah, that's it... It pissed him off so he grabbed me and brought me to my bed..." she was lost in those painful memories. "He handcuffed me and I kind of just... Disconnect... I guess... And then Carisi came in. I don't really know what happened but he made him step aways from me."

It wasn't the most descriptive statement but Olivia had enough evidence to put Declan where he belonged; behind bars. The lieutenant saw that her subordinate was caught in her mind. When Amanda started to tear up, Olivia reached out to grab her hand but withdrawn when the woman flinched.

"Sorry," Amanda said when she realised how she had reacted.

"No, it's my fault. You have nothing to be sorry for," Olivia kindly said.

"Can I get out of here?" Amanda hated being pitied so she talked about something else.

"I'll go check with the doctor," she was hoping they would let her go because she knew how hard it would be for al of them to keep her in there. But on the otherside, she also hoped that they wouldn't let her go because she was scared that once Amanda would be out, she would pushed them all away. Olivia made her way while Amanda stayed put in her bed. She was starting to get annoyed by staying in this bed.

* * *

 ** _*** If there's any mistake just let me know and I'll try to correct them. Thanks to thoses who took the time to leave a review I REALLY appreciate it.***_**


	7. Chapter 7

**_*** I'm sorry it took so long, life has been rough lately and I have kind of lost any inspiration so it was hard to write. Anyway, here it is. I don't really think it's good, though, and I'm sorry for that too. I hope you like it, though.***_**

* * *

The ride to the precinct was mostly quiet. Carisi was completely lost in his thoughts while Fin tried to concentrate on the road. When they arrived, the older man went to ask a unit to bring Declan into an interrogation room. They waited in front of the two-way mirror. After Murphy had been seated, both men tried to figure out how they would do this. They were already boiling inside and they weren't even in the same room yet.

"We can't mess this up," Carisi finally said.

"Yeah, I know..."

"We can't let our anger take over, Fin, or he could walk."

"I know that too," Fin added angrily. He was so mad at the man in the other room for hurting his partner.

"That's what I'm talking about, you have to put yourself together before you go in there."

"So, you're telling me that you're perfectly fine to go in there and act like he hasn't tried to rape Amanda," Fin voice raised a little.

"I'm not saying that it won't be hard for me too but it's just that... I already had the chance to let my anger out on him. So just tell me when you're ready," Carisi added. He was also still angry at Declan but walking in on them kind of kept him on the right track.

Fin took a few minutes to remind himself of what was the goal of all this; helping his partner get justice. "Alright, let's go."

They entered the room in silence. Declan had laid his head on the table out of tiredness. He hadn't slept at all and his head was killing him. He had heard the door open but didn't move. He didn't care anymore, it was like he was dead inside.

Fin and Carisi both took a seat on the other side of the table. When Fin saw that the man, that he had grown to hate quickly, didn't budge, he hit the metal table really hard with his fist. Declan jolted up on his hard chair and met two pairs of angry eyes.

"What happened?" Carisi said wanting this to be over as soon as possible. Declan stayed silent though wich didn't help Fin to keep his anger down.

"Why?" Fin finally added. "She was trusting you and you broke all that. Why?"

"She wouldn't let me see my daughter and she tricked me."

"How did she trick you?" it was Carisi's time to talk.

"She had this all planned. Telling me she would sleep with me and after pushing me away. It wasn't fair."

Fin scoffed, this was ridiculous. Amanda would never just do something like that for fun. "Alright then, tell us what happened?"

Declan knew he was going to jail, there was no way he could put this on Amanda. So he decided to play with both detectives a little. "Well, I wanted to see _my_ daughter," he looked at Sonny in the eyes, "but she wouldn't let me. She made some false pretense that she was asleep but I could tell she was lying."

Fin and Carisi shared a look, they both knew what Declan was trying to do.

"I have to give it to her, though," he continued, "she quite polite for the little slut she is."

Both detectives' fists clenched on the table; they didn't like how the man talked about their friend.

"Watch it," Fin warned in a threatening voice.

The once rightful man didn't even acknowledge the threat, "she let me in and we talked and when I wanted to see Jesse again she threw herself at me. She wanted to sleep with me, but _you,_ " Declan pointed at Carisi, "interrupted that."

The young detective bit his tongue not to say anything he would regret. Fin, on the order hand, was about to explode. This was a waste of time where could take care of Amanda.

"Why did you hit her head if she wanted this?" Carisi entered his game to see if they could get anything out of him even though he clearly knew he couldn't.

"You don't know yet?" Declan added with a smirk on his face. "I thought you would know since you're screwing her."

Carisi felt his blood boiled and he could tell with certainty that Fin was holding back not to jump on the guy. The older detective was restless in his seat.

"She likes it very rough," he added matter-of-factly, looking directly at Fin.

Amanda's partner couldn't take it anymore and quickly grabbed him by his collar and brought him over to the nearest wall. "Do you want me to show you how it feels to hit your head against something so hard that you can't stand up anymore."

Fin was going to slam his head against the wall but, at the last second, hit him in the stomach. He knew that he wouldn't be able to help Amanda if he was in jail for the murder of Murphy. He needed to think about her and Jesse first. He let Declan go and the man fell on his knees. Fin turned around and walked close to the opposite wall to lean on it.

Carisi had stayed seated, he couldn't bring himself to protect Declan and had hoped Fin wouldn't do something too stupid. Fortunately, the older man had backed down a little at the last second. He didn't let too much time to Declan to recover before he went to get him back to his chair.

"What happened next," Carisi asked once he was seated again.

Declan's stomach was hurting and now he didn't find his idea to mess with them as good as it originally was. "Look, I beat her and tried to rape her. What else do you want me to say?"

That's all they needed so they left without saying anything else. Once outside, they asked him to arrest Murphy. They didn't want to stay here and do paperwork so they both agreed on going back to the hospital.

* * *

 ** _*** I know it's short and, again, I'm sorry. I don't have any other idea for this story so it might take a wihle before another update and I apologise in advance.***_**


	8. Chapter 8

When Sonny and Fin arrived at the hospital, they saw their boss talking with a doctor at the other end of the hallway. Both men quickly grew worried about Amanda. In the back of their mind, they knew that if something was wrong Olivia would have called them but they weren't sure of anything lately. Their thoughts were running wild with every hurried step they took.

Before they could reach the two women, the doctor left. Olivia turned around and saw her colleagues.

"Is she okay?" Fin asked quickening his pace. The lieutenant could tell that they were worried. Carisi had it written all over his face and Fin was almost running. The man hated running.

"She's fine, Fin. I just asked the doctor if Amanda could get out of here."

"By the look on your face I take it she said no?" Carisi finally spoke.

"No, actually, she said yes..." Olivia said sounding a little defeated.

"Well, that's good news. No?" Fin said confused.

"Yeah, I guess... It's just that, you know Amanda, she'll shut us out," she shared her worries.

"We won't let her do that," Fin stated.

"You can't force her, Fin," Olivia added.

"Did the doctor said anything about what she should do once she's out of here?" Carisi asked knowing that this conversation wasn't leading them anywhere.

"Um... Yeah, it wasn't an order but she said that Amanda shouldn't be alone for the next couple of days. Mostly because she has a baby."

"So problem solved, she'll come stay with one of us. He place is still a mess anyway because of CSU," Carisi stated.

"We can't force her to stay with us and even if we do she'll shut down. I tried to talk to her but..." Olivia said. She didn't want to force her youngest detective to do anything but she knew that the young mother would have a problem coping with this, especially with a baby she needed to take care of.

"She didn't tell you what happened?" Fin asked.

"Well, she did but only the necessary and as soon as she was done she stopped talking." Olivia finished with a sigh.

"Can you blame her?" Fin added wanting to take off some blame of his partner. " I mean after what that son-of-a-bitch put her through."

"Of course not."

"We should just ask her and not decide for her, I mean, she's an adult and I am pretty sure she'll do what's right for her daughter," Carisi stood up for his friend.

"You're right," Olivia said after a while.

They made their way to the room. When they entered, Amanda was laying on her back looking at the ceiling. She was lost in her thoughts before she heard the door open. She didn't even look who it was, assuming it was Olivia, before she asked, " can I get out?"

"Yeah," Olivia stated.

"Good," she kept her eyes upwards so she had no idea that the guys were there.

"The doctor also said that it would be better if you had someone with you for the next couple of days in case you need a hand with Jesse," Olivia added taking a step closer to her. Both men stayed close to the door.

"I'll be fine," she coldly said keeping her eyes away from her boss.

"We know that, but let us help you," Fin added stepping closer.

At her partner's voice, she looked in their direction. She saw Carisi and looked up again. It wasn't that she was mad at him it's just that she was ashamed. He had seen her in her weakest state. "I can take care of Jesse and myself."

"We're not saying that you're not capable of it, we know you are. We're saying that it would be easier for you if you let us help you," he didn't want his partner to think that they didn't trust her anymore. Amanda stayed silent, she could trust what he was saying right? Deep down she knew she could but this was affecting her more than she let anyone know of.

"Can I go back to my apartment? Everything for Jesse is there." Amanda asked knowing she wouldn't win this fight against the three of them but maybe she could at least be at her place.

"About that," Carisi spoke up, also coming closer. " You know how CSU works, you can't stay at your apartment for now."

"They're not done?"

"Well, yeah but it's a... It's not a place for a child right now," he brought up Jesse only to try to convince her without a fight. He didn't want to tell her that her place had been turned upside down. She had had enough already.

"Alright," Amanda said after a while. She was half-hoping they would choose for her at that moment. She didn't have the energy to think about it. Also, it wouldn't put her _secret relationship_ with Carisi in jeopardy if ever she was going to stay with him. None knew about them. She didn't really care if people knew or not but thought that he might want to keep it quiet because they worked together. She didn't know what they were exactly but she knew they were something more than friends. At leats, more than the kind of friends she had in the past. She wouldn't put that relationship at risk because the truth was that she needed him right now. He would never judge her for what had happened and deep down she knew it. He had never judged her before. That knowledge made the shame more bearable.

On the other hand, she wanted to choose. She needed to be in control right now but she would have to think about it. If she was going to stay with Olivia, her boss would want to talk and that was the last thing she wanted to do. Also, they had never been what we could consider friends. The two women had never really gotten along very well before. However, the lieutenant was fully equipped to take care of a baby.  
If she decided to go with Fin She knew he wouldn't want to talk unless she wanted to. He had always been a great partner but he didn't know a thing about babies. Fin loved Jesse but wasn't able to take care of her. The blond woman didn't know if the man had ever changed a diaper before.  
If she decided to go with Carisi, her superior and her partner might get suspicious but he was good with Jesse. Amanda didn't know if he would want to talk like Olivia would, but knew that she could easily change the subject with him.

The SVU detectives didn't want to rush their friend to decide but Amanda had been silent for a while now, lost in her thoughts. They threw glances at each other not really knowing if they had to interrupt her in her trance or not. They had first thought that she would tell them with who she would stay right away but instead, she had just stayed silent.

"Amanda?" Olivia softly spoke.

The young woman looked up, blushing when she understood that she still hadn't answered them. "I'm sorry, I got carried away."

"It's alright, you don't need to apologize, Amanda. With who do you want to stay?" the lieutenant said repeating the question in case that Amanda had got lost too deep in her thoughts to the point where she had forgotten it.

"Um... I'll stay with Carisi..." she timidly said.

They were all surprised by this. They had all thought that it was going to be Fin. After all, she had stayed with him when her apartment had been wiped out by her sister. Of course, none of them questioned her choice.

"Alright then," Olivia said not making a big deal of the decision."I've got clothes for you. Do you need help to change?"

"Um... I think I'll be fine," Amanda said getting up. Olivia handed her the bag and the blond slowly went into the bathroom.

"Do you need me to stop at Amanda's place to pick some things for Jesse and Amanda," Fin offered.

"Yeah, that would be kind. I would only need clothes for both of them, I have everything else for when I keep my niece and as for Amanda I think I have an extra toothbrush."

"Are stopping at my place to take Jesse or I bring her to your place?" Olivia asked.

"I think it would be better if you would just bring her to my place. Amanda needs to rest," Carisi stated. They didn't say anything else.

When Amanda got out of the bathroom, a nurse came in to make her signed the discharge papers. Once that was done, they all went parted ways.


	9. Chapter 9

The ride to Carisi's place was half done but neither he or Amanda had said a word. The man understood that she didn't want to talk right now but he was getting tired of silent car rides. He didn't want this ordeal to make a difference between them but it had already started. It was the first time that he didn't know what to talk about and feeling uneasy around her. Carisi was afraid that he was going to screw things up between them by saying or do something stupid. He was so glad that she trusted him enough to bring her to his place and he didn't want to disappoint her. "Olivia is going to bring Jesse to my place and Fin will take care of both or your clothes so we don't have to go back to your place," Carisi stated breaking the silence.

Amanda slightly nodded but remembered that he was driving so he couldn't see her. "Okay."

"Do you want to stop somewhere and pick up something to eat?" Carisi asked.

"No," she simply said.

"Alright then, anyway if you get hungry I guess I could gather something edible at my place," he added. Carisi was hoping that she would at least try to do small talk with him instead of only answering with one word. It didn't work, though.

To his disappointment the rest of ride was quiet. Once they arrived at his house, they both got out of the car and went inside. Amanda didn't need any presentation of the small home since she had already been there a couple of time.

Amanda had been standing for only ten minutes and her ribs were already killing her. The stubborn woman didn't want to show it so she stayed up and waited for Carisi to take the lead further inside.

"Do you want to watch TV or you want to go lay down?" Carisi offered.

"I'm not sleeping until Jesse's here," Amanda said coldly. She was starting to get a little mad at him. The blond mother could tell that he wasn't himself with her because of what had happened and she didn't like it at all. She needed to know that this nightmare was over and that nothing had changed between them. She needed _him_ to get through this, not the insecure Carisi she had in front of her.

Carisi didn't answer and only went to sit down on his couch waiting for her to do the same. "What do you want to watch?" he asked once she was seated beside him.

"I don't mind."

He took the remote and put it on a cooking channel, maybe it would get her to eat something. As they watched the TV, Carisi often glance towards Amanda. He could tell that she was listening to the show but tormenting herself about something. When he saw that she was silently crying, he turned to face her. "What's wrong?"

She didn't answer and only wiped her tears angrily.

"You know you can talk to me, right? Is it because it hurts? I can get some painkillers if you want?"

"It doesn't hurt," Amanda lied. "I shouldn't be here," she said standing up.

"Amanda what happened? Talk to me!" he said following her to the front door. When she didn't answer and just tried to put her shoes on he was worried. She couldn't leave alone. "What about Jesse."

Amanda stopped what she was doing, how could she forget about her daughter? She took off her shoes, once again, and headed back in the living room. Before she could even make it there, she felt two strong arms wrapped around her. The warm embrace made her cry even more.

"Would you tell me what's going on in that head of yours?" Carisi quietly asked while patting carefully her soft hair.

"How could I forget about her Sonny?" she said through tears. "What kind of mother am I?"

"The kind that just got out of the hospital with a concussion and that have been through a lot lately. It's normal if you forget things, Amanda. Don't beat yourself up for it."

Amanda let his words sink in before she cried, "I'm so sorry Sonny. I don't want to loose you."

"Hey, what are you talking about?" Carisi asked taking her head between his hands. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't want anything to change between us but I feel like it already has... You're more distant." She had wished that she wouldn't have to accuse him of anything but that was how she felt. The only way to make him understand it was to say it out loud; it wasn't like if he was a mind reader. If she wanted things to stay the same she had to talk. Amanda had never been someone who talked a lot but for this, she would. Carisi was too important.

"Sweetheart, I'm being distant only because I'm scared to say or do something wrong. I don't want to hurt you," the tall detective said letting her head go but staying close.

"That's really kind of you, but I don't need to be cuddled. I..."

"Don't like to be cuddled. I know," he ended her sentence with a smirk that made her slightly smiled.

The young mother's smile quickly disappeared, though.

"Hey, what just went through you mind? You lost your beautiful smile," Carisi said getting a bit closer to kiss her head.

"I did something wrong..."

"What did you do?" he asked getting worried.

"Can we just go sit down first?" It wasn't that she was scared of him passing out because of what she was going to tell him. It was because her ribs hurt so much of just standing that it made it almost hard to breathe. Also, she needed to get a bit of self-confidence to bring herself to say it.

"Of course," the man simply said.

Once they were both seated one beside the other, Amanda took a deep breath. She was scared that she would screw things up by telling him. At the same time, Amanda felt like she had cheated on him so she had to tell him.

Sensing her anxiety, Sonny tried to comfort her, "whatever it is, I'm sure we'll figure this out, Amanda. Don't worry."

"I kissed him first..." she said. When he didn't say anything back she panicked. "But it was only to distract him from Jesse. I had to bring him away from her!"

Carisi hadn't said anything at first because he was just completely lost. "Amanda, it's alright. I'm not mad. I took his statement, if you could call it that, he knew that what he was doing was wrong. It wasn't your fault. It's just that I don't have the whole story and I'm a little lost here."

Amanda let out a relief sigh when he said that he wasn't angry at her but she had to tell him the story now. "I'll give you the short version. Where do you want me to start?"

"We had to leave the hospital room when you were talking about when the both of you were in front of Jesse's room," Carisi clarified.

"Well he was mad as hell and I had to calm him down or he would have hit me or worse, hurt Jesse. That's when I kissed him and tried to bring into my room to... you know... distract him. At first, I only wanted us to sleep but he wanted more... I tried to do it, but I couldn't. When we got into my room and I tried to convince him to just go to bed again, things got out of hands..." she hoped that he wouldn't want to know more. It was already embarrassing enough that he had found her, Carisi didn't need to know everything he did to her. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have. I..."

"Amanda, you had to protect Jesse. I'm sure you wouldn't have done it if there had been another way," Carisi said while stroking both of her arms. "It wasn't your fault, honey. Why are you so upset about this? You shouldn't feel guilty for kissing him."

Carisi didn't know either what they were but he knew that he was in love with her. He had never said anything because he was scared that she would flee. The fact that Amanda had kissed Declan made him a bit hurt, but he understood her motive. Also, they had never talked about if they were a couple or not. Carisi couldn't blame her if she was seeing other guys. The tall detective wanted to be with her, but he didn't know if she wanted to be with him. He didn't even know how she felt about him.

"I feel like I cheated on you..." she whispered.

"You didn't cheat on me, you had no choice. Plus, we're not a couple, are we?" he said with a bit of hope in his voice.

"We never talked about what we were... So I don't know... But I care about you, Sonny. I really do and I don't want to lose you," Amanda said as her eyes teared up. Only the thought of him leaving made her want to cry.

It wasn't the answer he had hoped to hear but at least now he knew how she felt. What she had just said to him meant a lot, especially coming from her. The blond had never someone that would declare her love for others out loud, so this gave him some hope. When he saw that her eyes were full of tears, he brought her close to him. She rested her head on his chest while he gave her a warm hug again, careful not to hurt her. "I'm not leaving, do you hear me? I won't go anywhere without you because a care a lot about you too."

Amanda didn't say anything back and only enjoyed the feeling of safety his embrace gave her. For five minutes, they didn't move, except for Carisi who was giving Amanda soft kisses on the head.

When they heard the doorbell rang, Sonny stood up forcing Amanda to stay seated. He opened the door and saw Fin standing there with two bags of what he assumed was clothes and Frannie in leash. "Hey, come in."

"I've got the clothes," the older man said putting the bags down, "and I have the four legged thing. Thought Amanda might want Frannie with her," he ended with a smile.

"Thanks, Fin. I'm sure she'll appreciate it. To be honest, I had totally forgotten about the dog."

"Is she sleeping?" Fin asked unleashing Frannie. The dog didn't wait to go sniff around. Both men looked at Frannie until she was out of view.

"No, she won't sleep until Jesse's here. She's in the living room. Do you want to see her?"

"Um, no it's fine. Just tell her I said hello. She needs to rest," he said opening the door.

"Alright, will do. Thanks again."

Once the door was closed again, he went back into the living room. Frannie was laying on Amanda's feet. "Fin said hello. I guess Frannie missed you," Carisi stated sitting back to his place.

"I guess..." Amanda was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open, even though the afternoon had barely started.

"Amanda why don't you go lay down in my bed. You're tired," he tried.

"I need to see Jesse," she said rubbing her face.

He didn't want to argue with her so he turned the volume of the TV back on waiting for Olivia to bring Jesse.

* * *

 _ ***** I realised at the end that I had completely forgotten about Frannie XD Sorry about that, I'll try not forget anything else. I'm sure that there are other things that I have forgotten and I'm sorry. Anyway, hope you liked it and I'd like to know what you think.****_


	10. Chapter 10

Watching TV was getting harder and harder for Amanda. The woman was so tired and wanted to sleep but she so deeply wanted to stay awake until her daughter's arrival. Carisi watched her slowly close her eyes to only open them quickly as soon as they had shut. He hoped that Olivia would arrive soon since Amanda clearly needed to rest. He had tried many times to tell her to go take a nap but she never agreed.

Fortunately, they didn't have to wait much longer before someone came knocking on Carisi's door. "I got it," Carisi said standing up.

"It has to be Jesse, I'm coming," Amanda sleepily said.

He didn't want to argue so he turned to walk towards the door. He opened the door with Amanda not far behind him.

"Hey, Liv. Come in," he said stepping back and Amanda doing the same.

Once Olivia had posed the car seat on the floor, the young mother rushed to her child even though it hurt. Olivia and Carisi watched their colleague but quickly understood that she was in pain.

"Hey, why don't you go sit down and I bring her to you?" Sony asked hating to see her in pain.

"I'm fine." She tried to lift Jesse, who was happily waving at her mother, but could barely lift the baby an inch high before she had to put her back down.

"Come on, Amanda, let us help you," the lieutenant joined in. Not waiting for any answers, the older woman softly grabbed both elbows of her detective and helped her up. "Come on, let's go sit for a while."

Amanda followed knowing that she would indeed need their help if she wanted to hold her daughter soon. Olivia brought Amanda back in the living room while Carisi took care of getting Jesse out of her car seat.

When both women were seated, Carisi came in with a whimpering baby in his arms. " She wants to see her mother as much as her mother wants to see her," Carisi said smiling. He handed her her baby and sat down on a chair, leaving his female colleagues on his couch.

The baby had stopped whimpering as soon as she was put in her mother's embrace and now she was almost falling asleep. Even though it hurt to hold Jesse, Amanda wouldn't let go. She needed to see that after all this her baby was still safe.

After a while of silence, the mother started to shift in her seat. Being tired and in pain wasn't a good mix at all and her head started pounding. Olivia sensed her subordinate's discomfort and grew worried, " Are you okay? You just turned even whiter. I think you should take a nap."

" Yeah, now that Jesse's here, why don't you go take a nap in my bed? You need to rest," Carisi added.

Amanda wanted to protest but her head was pounding so badly that she could think straight. She slightly nodded and Carisi took it as his cue to take the baby in his arms, careful not to hurt Amanda in the process. The lieutenant helped her detective up once again but, this time, put an arm around Amanda's waist since she seemed to be a little unsteady on her feet. "Where's the bedroom?"

"At the end of the hallway," Carisi said trying to reassure the baby that everything was alright.

Once the women reached the room, Olivia helped Amanda to sit down on the bed. "Do you want to sleep in those clothes or you want to put on something else?"

Amanda considered it for a while but decided that since she was dress in an oversized t-shirt and sweat pants she decided to stay that way. "I'm good."

Olivia helped her put to covers on and sat on the edge of the bed. " You okay there?" Olivia asked when she saw Amanda's tormented eyes.

"Where is he?" she quietly asked.

"Who?" the older woman was a bit lost.

Amanda felt stupid for asking this, she knew she was safe here. At least, safe from Declan. He couldn't get to her here. "Nevermind..."

"No, Amanda, I can see there's something tormenting you. Who are you talking about?"

"Declan," she blurted out.

"He's at the station and he not getting out anytime soon. Don't worry about him, we've got your back," she softly smiled. "Now get some sleep."

Amanda didn't want to close her eyes. She knew that the nightmares would come and that she wouldn't be able to sleep afterwards. That was what had happened with Patton. The younger one didn't have the time to respond before Olivia stood up and closed the light on the nightstand. Darkness fell upon the room and she made her way out. Amanda was left alone in the dark room. She couldn't even tell that they were in the middle of the afternoon. She kept her eyes open for as long as she could but soon they slowly closed and fell asleep.

Once Olivia had left the room, she went to rejoin Carisi and Jesse in the living room. " She worried about Declan," the seasoned detective stated.

"She shouldn't be. He won't be able to make bail does he?" the man asked a bit worried.

"Well, I don't think he will but we never know. He's a superior in the force and has been for a couple of years. Judge might take that into consideration," she spoke truthfully.

"What if they let him go and that he comes after her and Jesse again? We can let that happened."

"We did our job, it's out of our hands now. We can do anything about it. But _if_ he gets out, we'll figure something out to keep them both safe," she said approaching Carisi to softly rub Jesse's head. The baby had finally calmed down and was now starting dozing off to sleep. "Do you need help or anything before I leave?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks for bringing her here," he said walking his boss to the door.

"Alright then, take care of Amanda, she looks exhausted," she shared her worries about her detective.

"I know, I will," Carisi said firmly.

Olivia let herself out and he closed the door with the baby in his arms. " It's just you and me again

"I guess it's just you and me again,hein?" the tall man spoke to the infant.

* * *

 _ ***** Sorry for the wait again... Hoped you liked it and I'd like to know what you thought of it, so please leave a review :) *****_


	11. Chapter 11

It had been an hour since Olivia had left and ever since the house had been quiet. Amanda was asleep and Carisi was starting to get tired too while feeding Jesse. The adult was comfortably seated on his couch and the baby was laying in his arms.

The whole situation was starting to get to him. He couldn't understand; Declan had always seemed so fond of Amanda in his own way. Both officers worked well together. From what he knew, the seasoned detective had save Amanda's shield and had always been careful to let her put herself into harm's way. But now that he had a child with her, he could hurt her. He couldn't understand. Also, he had felt jealous when he had learned that Murphy was the father. Sonny hadn't realised it before, but he wanted to be Amanda's one and only. He wanted to be the father of Jesse wich also meant that he wanted to be with Amanda. He could finally tell what he felt for her; he loved her. Unfortunately, Amanda had to get hurt for him to realise it.

The more he thought about that night, the more he wanted to just go into Declan's holding cell and beat the reason out of him. It had always been the hard part of the job for him to understand the ' _whys_ ' of the perps. The man couldn't understand why they would hurt innocent people. Like most cops, he thought that cases involving children were the hardest.

Amanda's situation mostly got to him because it had come out of nowhere. No one expected this. Of course, he knew that assaults could happen at any time but, usually, when women are attacked by their boyfriend or husband it starts from a scratch and then it's escalating. Or at least, the ' _boyfriend_ ' doesn't just appear like that. As far as he knew, Declan wasn't even in town and Amanda was in good terms with him. Carisi had spent almost every evening with her since she started her maternity leave and he'd like to think that if she had had any kind of trouble with Jesse's father, she would have told him.

The detective was brought back from his thought by a scream coming from his bedroom. He quickly got up, trying to not startle the baby in his arms, and went to put her in the crib that he kept around for his niece. Once he had made sure that Jesse was safe in it, he headed to his bedroom. Hearing her mother's scream and losing Carisi's embrace made the infant start to sob. He walked faster and opened the door in one go not even waiting for Amanda to tell him to come in. The woman had stopped screaming and hadn't made a sound since. When he scanned the room, the worried man couldn't find her. He walked to his bathroom but when he tried to open the door, something, or someone perhaps, was blocking it.

"Amanda, are you okay?" he knew it was a stupid question but he had to ask.

"I'm fine. Where's Jesse? Is she okay?" she said coldly.

"She's in the crib. You scared her a little but she will be fine," he didn't know what to do. "Can you come out and join me and Jesse in the living room?"

"Give me a minute."

The man hesitated to walk away but at the end still went to take care of Jesse. If Amanda wasn't out of the bathroom in two minutes he would go see again. For now, he would let her have her privacy.

The man didn't have to go back, though. Amanda walked in not long after he had taken the baby in his arms again. Carisi quickly noticed that she was struggling to walk. "Where does it hurt?" he asked getting closer.

"I'm okay, you just pushed the door a little fast back there," she said giving him a small smile. She was truly in pain but hated to take medication; it gave her nausea and it made her sleep.

"I'm sorry, I was worried..."

"It's fine. Can I have my daughter back?" she said opening her arms.

"Of course, sit down, though. You got to be easy on your ribs."

Amanda didn't argue and it made Sonny aware of how exactly she was hurt. He put the baby in her mother's arms and straightened again. "Wait here I'll get you some painkiller."

"No!" she screamed. Everyone in the room, including Amanda, was startled by her tone. " I mean, I'll be fine. I don't need medication," the mother spoke in a softer tone trying to calm her baby.

The man didn't know what to say he didn't want to argue with her but he hated to see her in so much pain. So Carisi sat back down beside her but not too close. Just close enough to reach her with his hand if needed. He felt so helpless. Her pain was both physical and emotional and he could tell it. He had figured that she must have had a nightmare to scream like that but decided to push her about it. Maybe it would help her somehow, he thought. "What happened?"

"What are you talking about?" Amanda asked, knowing exactly what he meant. She had woken up screaming for dear life and had run to lock herself in the bathroom. Of course, he would be worried. She didn't want to talk about it. She hadn't talked about her nightmares after Patton had raped her, so why talk about it now? She didn't see the point.

"Amanda... Talk to me," he pleaded. "What if it helps?"

"And what if it doesn't?" she wasn't looking at him, only Jesse. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. She knew he was only trying to help but she didn't believe in talking. Amanda had never been someone who talked about her issues. It would make her feel weak and the detective hated it.

"Amanda it's _me,_ you know you can trust me. It will help I promise." At that moment, he only wanted to rip Declan's head off. Amanda had been almost an open book to him for the past month and now, thanks to Murphy, they were back at square one. Sonny couldn't tell what she was feeling or thinking. She had built the wall back up that he had just finished seeing through.

"I... I can't, Sonny, I'm sorry," she whispered still not looking at him.

"Why not?" he asked softly.

She didn't answer and only got up with Jesse in her arms. It took her everything not drop the sleeping baby. When Carisi saw her getting up he quickly got up himself, "What are you doing?"

She didn't say anything and just hid her face while she walked towards the crib. She carefully laid Jesse in it and got back up. She had hold herself up on the cradle to take her breath back. Once her breathing was under control she turned to Carisi who had followed her but stayed a bit behind.

As soon as he saw her face his shattered even more for Amanda. She was crying. He took a quick step towards her to give her some comfort but when he raised his arms to hug her, she flinched. "I'm sorry..." she quickly added between sobs, hating what she had just done.

"Don't be sorry, it's my fault," he felt terrible. She looked like she was scared of him. "You know I would never do anything to hurt you..." it was more a question than a statement.

"I know," she said and started to walk away. Carisi followed her and they soon found their selves standing in the kitchen. "I didn't want to wake Jesse if we were to talk," she specified to Sonny.

Amanda still had tears falling down her face and you could tell by her voice that she had a lump in her throat. Once it was started she could never stop her it, she had to wait until it was over.

Once again, Carisi tried to get closer to hug her. This time, he walked slowly towards her and carefully put his arms around her. Amanda rested her head on his chest and let it all out.

It was the first time that Amanda would cry this much in front of someone. She didn't know if it wasn't Carisi that was there at this moment if it would feel this shooting but she was glad he was there. "Thank you," she mumbled on his chest.

"You're welcome but for what?" he asked putting his chin on her head and drawing random patterns on her back with his hands.

"Being here."

"You don't have to thank me for that, I want to be here for you. I _need_ to be here for you." He kissed the top of her head and rested his chin back.

"He came back..." she mumbled again.

"What?" he wasn't following. He leaned backwards to have a better look at her face.

"In my dream, he was back and... he was hurting you and Jesse and... and I couldn't do anything." Amanda's tears had stopped but now they were back in full force.

"Oh, sweetheart," he kissed her forehead, " he won't get out of jail I promise."

"You don't know that, he could post bail. You can't promise me that."

"You're right but even if it happens, I will protect you and Jesse," he looked Amanda straight in the eyes. He needed to make her feel safe again. "Why don't go try to sleep some more, maybe it will ease the pain? I'm sure standing isn't too fun for you."

"I'm..." she was cut off by Carisi.

"Not fine. Amanda, you are white as a sheet,"

"Alright..." in reality, every part of her body hurt and her head was making her dizzy. "But I don't wanna sleep, every time I close my eyes, I see him..." she sounded childlike.

"I'll be there with you," he took her hand and lead her to his bedroom. They didn't talk the whole way to the room, not that it was a long distance but still. Amanda was lost deep in her thought and Sonny was only concentring on her small hand in his. He had never noticed how small her hands were until now and wondered how she could shoot a gun that good with those small hands. He knew that her hands shouldn't change anything on her ability to fire a weapon but still... it impressed him.

He was brought back from his thoughts when he lost Amanda's hand. She had stopped dead in her track. "What's wrong?"

"Don't hurt her, please, I'll do anything!" the mother said coming closer to Sonny. "Please, stay away from my baby girl and I'll do anything!" That's when she grabbed his neck and kissed him.

The tall detective didn't really understand what was happening until the small woman talked about her daughter. She was having a flashback from to other night. He didn't really know what to do. Yes, he wanted to kiss her but it wasn't like that that he would have imagined their first kiss. He took a step back to separate himself from her, "Amanda, it's me, Carisi..."

He waited for her to come back from her dark memories but she only took a step forwards. Amanda started to push him backwards and they soon ended up in Carisi's room. When the man felt the bed against the back of his knees, he tried to take a step to the side to fall onto it. Amanda grabbed him, though, and she was already falling. He lost his balance and fell on top of her. He didn't even have the time to time to process what had happened that she was screaming and trying to get out from underneath him, "Wait, I can't! Stop! You're hurting me!"

Sonny got up as fast as he could without touching her and tried to catch her attention, " Amanda! You're safe, Declan isn't here. It's just me, Carisi."

Carisi didn't want to touch her but she wasn't listening. Amanda was scary to see. She had her eyes wide open, tears threatening to fall, and she was tossing on the bed trying to fight invisible demons. "Amanda!" he tried again. It didn't work, though, and he was starting to worry that she would hurt herself. The detective decided that he had to stop her before it happened. He got on the side of the bed and quickly grabbed her arms so he wouldn't get hit while trying to call for her once again, "Amanda, it's me Carisi."

When he saw that it hadn't worked, he sat down on the bed with her arms secured, lifted her up to the height of his chest and put his arms around her to still her. Lifting her had been easy, she was very light for an adult, but she was strong and she started to fight him. "Let me go! You're hurting me!" she said kicking in the air. Carisi heard a cry coming from outside the room. Amanda had woken up Jesse.

The blond's back was tightly pressed against his chest and he was holding her from behind. Hearing her scream made him wonder if he wasn't really hurting her and he felt bad. What she said next, though, made him understand that she wasn't talking about him, "Why are you doing this to me, Declan? You're hurting me!"

"Sweetheart, it's me, Sonny," he spoke softly to her right ear. Slowly she stopped fighting and the man didn't waste time to ease his grip on her. He felt like he could break her if he held her too tight. He kept his arms around her, though, just in case. After a few moment, he started to worry. She hadn't moved an inch. "Amanda?"

Sonny let out a sigh of relief when he felt her shaking; she was alive. Not long after that, he felt tears on his arms.

"I'm so sorry," she cried.

"Shhh, it's okay. You're okay," he said rocking them back and forth.

They stayed like that for a few minutes but after that Amanda became aware of her daughter's cries. She tried to get up but her... she didn't know what he was anymore... her 'more than friend' carefully laid her down on the bed.

"I've got her, just try to sleep. You need to rest," he completely let go of her and put a blanket over her. After making sure, she wasn't to get back up, he made his way back to Jesse.

Sonny took the infant in his arms and softly spoke to her, "I know your mom scared you, she scared me too. But she's fine now."

It didn't take long for Jesse to fall back to sleep so he put her back in the crib and went to check up on Amanda.

When he entered the room Amanda was already asleep. She was laying in the middle of the bed without a pillow. He knew that she was hurt enough already and that she didn't need a torticollis on top of that. So, he picked her up in the bridal style and put her laid her back down on the right place. He laid on his side next to her and watched her sleep. It was past five o'clock and he was starting to get hungry since had hardly eaten anything since that crazy night. He got lost in looking t her sleeping, though, and he soon drifted off to sleep too.

* * *

 ** _*** Should I continue? Hoped you liked it and please let me know what you thought!***_**


	12. Chapter 12

A week had passed since Amanda's flashback and they never talked about it. The blond's place was clean now, Fin and Olivia had made sure of it, and she was thinking about going back home. Her injuries were mostly healed and she didn't need help anymore to take care of Jesse. She liked being at Carisi's place; he was so kind to her. But she felt like a burden and she hated it. Also, she needed things to get back to normal. She could be cleared today to get back to work if her appointment went well. If the mother was going to get back to work, she needed to go home. It would be too complicated with the babysitter and all if she was to live somewhere else.

Carisi had dropped Amanda at her appointment and went with Jesse for a walk. He hoped that she would be cleared; she was so restless when she wasn't working and now that her maternity leaves were over it was worse. The past week had been hard on both of them but they only grew closer. She had had many nightmares and every time he had been there to calm her down. He walked for a good hour before he had to go back and pick up Amanda.

"Hey," Sonny said as she sat down in the car beside him. "So?"

"I can get back to work," she said excitedly.

"That's great Amanda," he gently squeezed her hand and they took off.

"So... I was thinking that... I should probably get back to my place..." the mother said hesitantly.

"What? Why?"

"Well, with the baby and all it would be more complicated if I'd with you..."

"Alright, I understand but you don't have to leave. You know that? I like having you and Jesse around..." he didn't want her to leave.

"And I like being at your place too but I need things to get back to normal..."

"Alright, I'll help you gather your things and we'll go back to your place."

"Thank you... For everything..." Amanda really meant it. She was so grateful to have someone like him in her life.

"It's nothing. Thank you for letting me help you," he said grabbing her hand again.

When they arrived at his place, the gathered all of Amanda's and Jesse's belonging and left again. It wasn't long after that that they were in front of the blond's apartment building.

"You can still change your mind," he tried.

"No, I need to do this..." she said holding Jesse. They walked up and entered her apartment. "Wow, CSU cleans up after now?"

"No, Fin and Liv cleaned up..."

"They didn't have to."

"They wanted to do it, for you"

"I'll need to thank them then," she didn't know how she got so lucky with her squad. They were so caring with everyone. Amanda went to put Jesse in her crib while Carisi went to unpack their things. When she joined him he was in her bedroom putting away her clothes. She looked around, everything seemed normal but she couldn't help but think of that night. She was frozen into place when Sonny approached her.

"Hey," he said softly grabbing her shoulders, which brought her to look at him. "You can come back if you want, I really don't mind."

"I'll be fine. Thanks, though," she walked away and continued what Sonny was doing only a minute ago.

He was going to say something else when his phone rang, "Carisi... Alright, I'll tell her. Thanks, Fin," he hanged up and walked closer to her. "Declan's hearing is today and Fin wanted me to tell you not to worry and that he was going with Liv and he will give us news later."

"I had forgotten that it was today..."

"Me too, but it's gonna be okay," he tried to reassure her. He could hear in her voice that she was worried. He slowly grabbed her to hug her, "I caught him in the act, I don't think the judge will give him bail."

"I don't know, it could happen..." she said resting her head on his chest.

"Why don't we stop thinking about it and just go out. We could go at the coffee shop down the street and enjoy your last day off," he offered. He pushed back a little to see her face and she could see how excited he was about the idea. He really wanted to go out, it had been an eternity since they had done something out of her apartment.

"I don't know..." Amanda started.

"Come on, it will be fun!" he grabbed her hand brought her to the apartment door. She tried to stop him but not too hard so he just egged her on. "Put your shoes on, I'll get Jesse."

"She's sleeping," Amanda argued.

"That baby sleeps like a rock, she won't even notice that she's not in her crib anymore." He entered the infant's room and slowly picked her up. When he walked back to where Amanda was, he saw that she put her shoes on and smiled to himself. "See... it wasn't that hard," he smirked.

The mother let out a sigh and prepared to stroller so Carisi could put Jesse down. Five minutes later, they were outside the apartment building walking towards the coffee shop. They weren't talking, only enjoying the peaceful walk. Amanda had to admit it, it was doing her good to breathe some fresh air.

When they arrived at their destination, Jesse was still sleeping so instead of going inside and risking to wake her because of the noise, they decided to take a table outside a bit remote from the others. Amanda sat down with the stroller by her side and Carisi went inside to get their drinks.

Once Sonny was seated in front of Amanda, they started talking about everything and nothing. They had both always liked how they could just talk for hours without running out of subjects and it made Amanda realised that, despite what had happened last week, nothing had changed between them.

They spent a little over an hour talking before they decided to head back to her place. On their way back, Carisi's phone rang again. "Carisi."

"The hearing's over, I'm at your place but you're not. Where are you?" Sonny heard through the phone.

"Well, hello to you too, Fin. I'm walking with Amanda right now, we're going back to her place. How did it go?"

"I'll meet you there," Fin said before the line went dead. Carisi looked at his phone in confusion before speaking, "That was, Fin... He gonna meet us at your place."

"Is he out?" Amanda asked worriedly.

"Fin didn't say, we should hurry."

They both knew that Fin wanting to meet with them wasn't good news. Neither of them dared to speak up their worries, afraid that it would make it true.

* * *

 ** _*** Thanks for the reviews, it really got me writing again (I know that I haven't updated for a while now but that's only because I moved out to another city and also because school started again). Anyway, hope you liked it and please leave a review :) ***_**


	13. Chapter 13

Their ride back to Amanda's apartment took them half the time that it had taken them to get to the coffee shop. When they got to her door, Fin was already there.

"Finally," the older man exclaimed.

"What's going on, Fin?" Carisi asked while Amanda opened the door.

"Let's just sit down first."

They all went inside, Amanda went to put a still sleeping Jesse back in her crib and the men went to the living room. "Alright, spit it out, Fin," Amanda said as she walked into the room.

"Please, sit down 'Manda," he pleaded.

Her mind was racing since Fin had called she had thought of every possible scenario. She knew that she shouldn't work herself up like that but she couldn't help it. She sat down and waited for her partner to speak.

"Alright, I don't know how to tell you this but... we don't know where Declan is," he spit out.

Amanda stayed silent, it was Carisi who spoke, " What do you mean you don't know where is, he wasn't brought to the hearing?"

Fin could hear the panic in his friend's voice, " yes, he was to the hearing..."

he was cut by the younger man, " so he made bail."

Amanda's partner let out a sigh, "no, if you would have let me finish you would know that." He stared at Carisi for a second and continued, "the judge didn't give him bail but when he was being brought to jail, the van that was transporting him had an accident and he's gone..."

He looked at his partner waiting for her to react but she just stayed still. Once again it was Sonny who spoke up, "what do you mean he's gone? He can't just have vanished!"

"I don't know man!" Fin got up and raised his voice too but when he saw Amanda flinch he calmed down, " We don't know much, just that there was a collision between two vans and that, now, he's gone. We think maybe it was a hit, someone didn't want Declan in prison so he got him out." Fin looked at his partner, "I'm sorry 'Manda..."

He went to lower himself in front of her and grabbed her hand, "talk to me baby girl, what's going on in that head of yours?"

"I don't know, Fin! What do you want me to say!" she pulled her hand out of his hand, got up and started pacing. "It's too fucked up! What were the chances of this happening! I mean what am I supposed to do now. I can't leave Jesse alone while he's out there!"

Carisi, who had stayed silent for a while, got up from the couch too and went to comfort Amanda, "we'll figure this out." He wrapped her in his arms and started to rub her back. She calmed down a little and rested her head on his chest.

"Amanda, do you remember Declan talking about him being in trouble or something? Maybe someone wanted him," Fin asked, wanting to know if she knew something that could help them find him.

"Um... I don't think so, the only thing we spoke of, besides Jesse, was his UC operation. The only thing he said about that was that it had been shut down or something because they weren't getting anywhere," she said as she separated herself from Sonny's embrace.

"Alright, I'll go back to the precinct. Liv's there so I'll go see if something new happened," Fin said.

"Okay, call me if you find anything," Carisi added.

The older man looked to his partner, she seemed lost deep in her thoughts, "take care Amanda," she nodded slightly. "Carisi, walk me to the door?"

"Yeah, sure."

They left the room and Amanda didn't even seem to notice. Once they were out of view Fin spoke, " she shouldn't be alone right now. Watch her back please."

"Of course," he quickly added.

"Oh, and Carisi," Fin turned around as he was going to leave, "I don't know what's going on between you two but if you hurt her you'll regret it. She has been through enough, don't take advantage of it," he warned.

"I won't, I just want to help her."

"Good, she seems to trust you, don't break that trust. I'll talk to you later. Take care."

The older detective walked out and Sonny locked the door. The tall man walked back into the living room and was surprised to see that Amanda hadn't moved from her spot. "Hey, what do you want to do?"

It took a few moment before she answered,"I-I don't know..."

"I think you should come back to my place..."

"Why?" she answered slightly hurt. She was finally able to go back home by herself and now because of Declan, again, she would have to have a babysitter. "I can take care of myself."

"Amanda it's not that, he's out and we don't know the hell why!" he was tired of her stubbornness. "You need to stop thinking that I don't trust you. I know you're more than capable to take care of yourself and that you're one hell of a cop, but he's dangerous, Amanda." He got closer, "we don't know what we're up against so we need to be careful."

"What _I'm_ up against, Carisi. It's _my_ problem." She turned away from him. "Leave."

"I'm not leaving. You're not alone in this," he walked behind her and put his arms on her shoulders. She didn't move so he stayed like that.

"I already have put you guys through enough. I don't want to put the squad into my problem again. So, please tell Fin and Liv to stay out of this. And it goes for you too... Please, leave," She stepped away from him and walked into the kitchen to fill herself a glass of water.

He followed her and she stopped walking and spoke again, "I can't leave, I promised Fin I would watch your back."

"He's not my father!"

"What about Jesse, uh? Maybe you can protect yourself from Declan, but are you sure you can protect her too? Do you want to take that risk?" he argued. "Let us help you."

"I can't! If one of you get hurt, I won't be able to live with myself!"

"And if you lose Jesse? Will you be able to live with yourself?" he raised his voice too.

"Don't say things like that... I would protect Jesse with my life..."

"And what if it's not enough? What if that psycho is too strong and that he still gets to her!"

"Stop! I get it!" she screamed while tears started to run down her face.

"Amanda, I won't be able to live with myself if you or Jesse gets hurt when I could have protected you," his voice had lowered and he was now wiping her tears with both his thumbs.

"You can't protect us from everything, you know."

"I know, but it doesn't mean I can't try," he softly smiled at her.

"I'm just so scared Carisi and we don't even know if he's after me."

"You have every right to be and we should just be careful until we know more. And that's why you and Jesse should come back to my place," he tried again.

"Alright..." the blond softly said. She rested her head on his chest listening to his steady heartbeat.

He put his chin on her head and hugged her tight, "Thank you."

"What for? I should be thanking you..." she mumbled against him.

"Letting me help and you don't have to thank me. Now, we should gather your things again before you change your mind," he smiled.

An hour later they were heading back to his place when Carisi's phone rang again. "Put it on speaker," he told Amanda. "Carisi."

"Hey, where are you?" it was their boss.

"I'm driving back to my place with Amanda and Jesse."

"Can you come to the precinct with them? Who got news and we're gonna need to brief you," Olivia asked.

He looked at Amanda, who nodded, before speaking, " alright, we're coming."

"Okay, bye," the lieutenant hang up and Amanda closed the phone.

Ten minutes later, they were all in Olivia's office. " How are you holding up?" Olivia asked her youngest detective.

"I'm fine, what's going on?" Amanda answered.

"We talked to Declan's boss and we learned that his operation was shut down because he had changed during his time undercover. He lied to you, his boss told us that he was becoming really violent with everyone around him and they had to shut it down before he ended up in prison. He was becoming a real pimp," Olivia explained.

Amanda wasn't surprised, he had changed so much. "Do you know where he is?" she asked.

"No, but we have reason to believe that he's with the trafficking ring he was trying to bring down. We don't know for sure if his cover his blown or not but we think that if they wanted him dead, they would have killed him in the accident," she continued.

"So they saved him? Why?" it was Carisi's time to asked.

"From what Declan's boss told us, he was almost at the head of the trafficking ring so maybe some guys wanted to save their boss," Fin answered.

"Makes sense... Maybe he won't come after me... I mean, why risked it?" Amanda asked. She hoped that he would just leave her alone.

"Because he wants you and Jesse, Amanda," Olivia softly said.

Amanda's heart skipped a beat, "How do you know that?"

"We found a note in the van," she handed her the paper in a plastic bag.

 _I'll see you soon, Amanda. Jesse will finally have her father.  
-Declan-_

* * *

 ** _*** I decided that Frannie wasn't a part of this story anymore since I always seem to forget about her. I hope you guys don't mind ;p Anyway, please leave a review I like to know what you guys think.***_**


	14. Chapter 14

**_*** Sorry for the late updated, I had a lot of homework_** ** _to do. Anyway hope you'll like it and let me know what you think :) ***_**

* * *

Amanda read the note over and over, hoping that the words would just change somehow and that this nightmare would be over. It didn't work, though. Carisi grew agitated when no one moved. He wanted to do something about this, he couldn't just stay there and watched Declan play with Amanda's head.

"So what's our next move?" he asked Olivia.

The lieutenant sighed, she knew they had to do something but they had no lead and didn't know where to look at first. Declan's boss had given them the case file of the undercover information but they still had to go through it. "Uh... I'll send the note to see if we can find with who Declan associated with and Fin and I will look at the case we have. You two, go home with Jesse," she walked towards Amanda and took the evidence bag slowly from her hands since she didn't seem to have listened to a single word she said.

"So you want me to do nothing," Sonny argued.

"It not up for discussion. Fin, Amanda will you step out please, I need to speak with Carisi."

Fin took Jesse car seat with him and went to walk out but he noticed that is partner didn't move a muscle. The dark skinned man walked to the blond and gently guided her out. She was lost in her thoughts, she was tired of dealing with all of this. She felt like she could explode at any moments, but tried to stay calm. Her team wasn't the enemy so coming at them wouldn't be bright.

Once Fin had closed the door behind him, Olivia looked at Carisi.

"Why can't I help?" the young man asked before his boss could speak.

"Because I need someone to stay with them! Why can't you just do as I say, we're losing time."

"Why not Fin to watch her back? He's her partner. I need to catch him, Liv, " he said the last part desperately.

"I don't have time to argue with you," she said picking her things up to go to the lab. " Go watch her back."

"It's not fair."

"Life is unfair, Carisi," she said opening the door so they could walk out.

Amanda and Fin were sitting at their desks. He was trying to calm down Jesse in her car seat since Amanda didn't even seem to notice that her daughter was softly crying. Sonny got the baby and the three left the precinct.

Amanda had still hadn't said a word and they were now back at his place. He tried to talk to her but she wouldn't respond so he gave up and the day went by.

It was late and Amanda put Jesse to bed and went into Carisi's room. They both got ready to sleep and soon they were both asleep. At least that's what he thought.

Amanda laid awake, thinking. Midnight rang and she was tired to lay there. She got up without waking Sonny and grabbed her running gear. It had been a long time since she had gone for a run. Before leaving, she checked on Jessie. The infant was peacefully sleeping and the mother bent down to kiss the small forehead. The detective quietly got out of the house.

It was cold outside but she didn't care; she needed to run.

* * *

Inside the house, Carisi was woken up by a phone ringing. He grabbed his phone and answered, "Carisi."

"Sorry to wake you up, man," Fin said.

"No, it's fine what do you got?"

"He's with the trafficking ring, we found fingerprints of one of the pimps on the note. Olivia and I are heading to his apartment right now. How's 'Manda?"

The younger man looked to his right and saw the empty bed. "She's gone," he said a bit panicking.

"What do you mean, she's gone?" Fin rose his voice.

"I don't know, she's not in the house," he said walking through each room. "Jesse's here, though," he said stopping in front of the crib.

"How the hell did that happened Carisi!"

"I'm sorry, I fell asleep, I didn't think she would take off!" he argued.

"Yeah, you clearly didn't think."

"Alright, that's enough," Sonny heard the lieutenant in the background. " Try to call her with my phone."

There was a moment of silence; Amanda's partner was trying to reach her. It wasn't long, though, before Carisi heard Amanda's phone in his bedroom. "She left it here," he informed them. 'God damn it, Amanda' he thought.

"She might have just left for a walk?" he heard Olivia suggested.

"Past midnight?" the detective shared his doubt while heading to the front door. "You're right, though, her running shoes are missing."

"Alright, we'll go look for her. Call us if she comes back. We'll go see Declan's new friend when we find her," Fin hang up and Carisi was left standing in his quiet house.

For an hour, Carisi paced his living room. He just wanted Amanda to come back home. He knew she was probably fine but he couldn't bring himself to stop thinking of the worse. From what he knew, before Jessie was born, going on a run in the middle of the night wasn't out of the ordinary for her.

When he heard noises at the front of the house, he texted Fin telling him she was home and he quickly ran to the door. There she was in her running gear. He ran to her and give her a tight hug. She winced but he didn't notice, he was just so relieved. "You scared the hell out of me," he said. "Where were you?"

"I couldn't sleep so I went for a run... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," she said separating herself from him.

"You should have told me, anything could have happened. He's still out there."

Her face fell when he said that and she walked away. He followed her, "are you okay? Did anything happen? Are you hurt?"

She stopped walking and turned to face him, "I'm fine, Sonny."

"Then why are you trying to get away from me?"

"I just need to go sit down, I wasn't getting away," she answered while sitting at the kitchen table. When she sat, he noticed her wincing like if she was in pain.

"You're hurt, what happened?" he said worriedly. His mind once again thought of the worse, he feared that Murphy had hurt her again.

"I fell."

"You fell?" he said suspiciously.

"Yeah, I fell. I'm clumsy."

"Amanda, you're the least clumsy person I know. How did it happen?" he wasn't buying it.

"I was distracted and tripped over something. I fell on the curb."

"Let me see," he ordered.

She gave him a glare but lifted her shirt up. He kneeled down in front of her and he barely had the time to see the already dark bruises that she had put her shirt down again.

"Do you want some pain killer?" he said as he got up to sit on a chair. He knew she wouldn't want to go to the hospital for this.

"No, I'm fine."

"So, what distracted you?" the man asked.

"Am I in an interrogation or what?" Amanda said annoyed.

"Just answer the question."

She sighed, "I'm just going nuts, that's all."

"Why would you say that?" she gave him a stare. The blond hated when he was playing the shrink on her.

"I thought I was being followed..."

"Were you?"

"I don't know... And it doesn't matter now. I took a short cut and I think they lost me... If they were following me."

"I wouldn't be surprised if it was Declan, Amanda," he softly said. "Was it a car?"

"Yeah, a black SUV. I got the licence plate, ADD 8567," she told him.

"Do they followed you here?"

"I don't think so..."

"Alright I'll call Liv," he said getting his phone out and put it on speaker.

"Is she okay?" the superior asked.

"Yeah, she's fine. She thought she was being followed, though. Black SUV, plate ADD 8567. What about the guy ?" Sonny informed her.

"Not home. We're waiting for him outside. Wait, I think he's coming and guess what, black SUV..." she waited to see the number plate, "ADD 8567."

Carisi looked at Amanda and saw fear in her eyes, "it's okay," he mouthed.

"Murphy's not with him... We gotta go, we'll let you know what we found."

Amanda hoped that Jesse's father would be there so they could arrest him and she could stop being scared for her little girl. Sonny put his phone back in his pocket and looked at her.

"We'll stop him, Amanda."

"No, we won't, that trafficking ring is too big. We can't fight against them," she said standing up. She went to the living room and took the sleeping baby in her arms. "I shouldn't have gone on a run, now they might know where Jesse is...I'm so stupid."

"Hey, look at me," he said cupping her face. "What is done is done and you're not stupid. Nothing is gonna happen to Jesse or you for that matter."

She had tears in her eyes, she was scared. For a moment, she didn't think and got up on her toes to kiss him. He kissed her back, but he was the one to pull away. "We should get back to sleep," he knew he might hurt her by not wanting to continue what she had started but he felt like if he was taking advantage of her. He didn't want that.

She nodded and put Jesse in the crib. They made their way to the bedroom. She went to take a shower and he went to bed. Fifteen minutes later, he was spooning her on his bed.

Before they could both fall asleep, Amanda's phone buzzed. She grabbed it and they both read the text she had received from an unknown number: "You were beautiful running tonight, Amanda. Can't wait 'til we're together again"


	15. Chapter 15

Carisi had called Fin right after seeing the text Amanda had received. They stayed in bed, though. Amanda wasn't in any state to move. After a while, she finally spoke, "When is this going to end?"  
She knew he couldn't really answer that, but the blond still hoped that there would be some illumination and it would all be over.

"I don't know," he said holding her tighter against his chest.

"I should go check on Jesse..." Amanda needed to do something else other than to think or she would go crazy.

Carisi didn't want to let her go but he knew that she needed to this. He knew that even this small action could calm. He loosened his caring hold and she slowly got up.

Once she was outside his bedroom, his phone rang.  
"What do you got?" he asked Fin over the phone.

"You need to get the blinds close, make sure every possible entry is locked shut and stay inside."

The younger man froze for a moment, 'what the hell was happening?'  
"Alright, I'll do it. What's wrong?"

"The text came from right outside your house. How many guns do you have?" Amanda's partner asked rapidly.

"Uh... I... Two maybe three if 'Manda has hers," he didn't believe this.

"I hope it'll be enough, keep them both safe, Carisi. We're one our way with backup, so just hold on."

They both hang up and the man went to do what his colleague had asked. He managed to get the house a little bit safer without alerting Amada but when he started to search for his extra gun she joined him with her baby.

"What are you doing?" she asked knowing something was really wrong.

"Fin just called and they might be outside. Do you have your gun?" He looked at her in the eyes; he knew he was scaring her and he hated that.

"No, I left it at my apartment," she said while trying to calm the baby, who had grown agitated because of the tension in the room, down.

"Alright, you'll take this one," he said giving her his extra gun.

"What about Jesse? I can't shoot with her in my arms, " Amanda started to panic.

The tall man started to pace, trying to figure out what to do. If they were in fact outside, they would probably be there any minute now. "Put her in her car seat and bring her into the bathtub."

Right when he finish his sentence, someone knocked at the door.  
"Do it, now," he mouthed to her and he went to the door. He stayed away from it, though. The detective knew it was Murphy and his 'friends'. If it had been his team they would have identified themselves.

Amanda joined him a few seconds later, "What do we do now? They'll probably burst the door soon." She whispered.

He took cover around the corner of one of the walls and Amanda followed his lead. "Go with Jesse, I'll try to hold them off 'till Liv and Fin get here," he said quietly.

"I'm not leaving you to get shot, Carisi."

"I promised Fin-"

He was cut off when the door flew open. Three men came in and two of them started shooting. Amanda and Carisi opened fire too but they soon all stopped to shoot when, what Amanda recognized as Declan's voice, spoke, "I want them alive, idiots!"

Carisi looked over to Amanda; they both didn't know what to do. They could try fire at them again but they would have to uncover and risking getting shot. So, they waited to see what would happen.

"Amanda, come out and bring our beautiful daughter with you and your little friend that lives here won't be hurt, " he spoke loudly to make sure that he was heard.

Amanda and Carisi made eyes contact, she mouthed 'Jesse' and before he could stop it she had stepped out of her hideout and was standing in front of them aiming her gun at Declan. She had left a good space between them and hoped that they wouldn't get closer.

Behind the wall, Carisi was trying to figure out what to do. He knew that she wanted him to get Jesse and get out, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't leave her with these horrific men.

"I won't let you hurt her, Declan..." Amanda finally spoke.

"Why do you keep thinking that I would want to hurt our daughter?" he answered trying to sound offended.

"Well, I've never thought you could hurt me but you did so... I guess that's my point." Amanda realized how ridiculous this was; she was standing in front of three armed men with only her small gun trying to buy time for Carisi to get out.

"Why don't you drop the gun, darling," Murphy started. " It's not like you have a chance anyway. You won't be able to shoot the three of us before we start to fire."

Amanda didn't answer, she only stared at the man who had attacked her. She knew that as long as she had the gun they wouldn't risk coming closer in case she would fire.

"Drop the gun, Amanda," he insisted.

"I won't do that," she spat back.

Declan breathed loudly through his nose, anger evident on his face. "Why do you always need to get everything more complicated than it really is? I mean- none of this would have happened if you had let me see our daughter."

"You were drunk, Declan. I couldn't risk for you to hurt Jesse, I'm sorry..." the mother tried to convince him.

"You're sorry?" he scoffed, " you got your coward friend, who's hiding back there, to lock me up. I'm in big trouble because of you." Amanda knew there was no point in arguing with him so she once again kept silent.

It had been a moment now that she had left her hideout and hoped that Carisi had found his way out with Jesse. "You know what? I'm tired of waiting so drop your gun, we're leaving," Murphy said getting closer.

"Back off!" Carisi screamed, walking around the corner with his gun aimed at the closest man to Amanda.

The blond detective knew, at that moment, that her plan had failed. She just wanted to cry. Jesse was in danger, again, because of her and she couldn't do anything.

After Carisi had stepped in, everything happened so fast. One second, she was standing ready to fire her gun and the next, she was on her knees with a hole in her right arm. When she looked up, she saw the three intruders on the ground, Fin and Olivia taking their pulse. The young detective felt someone grabbed the gun in her hand and turned her head.

Sonny was kneeling beside her, "are you okay?"

She hadn't even realized that he was putting pressure on her arm when she looked down. "Where Jesse?"

"She's safe, don't worry. I got her out by the window. She's safe outside right now." He had seen the look on her face when he had walked into the room; it was despair. The young man knew she had thought that he hadn't thought about Jesse and it hurt him. He would never do anything to harm that child. He couldn't blame her, though. He had considered going after her instead of taking care of Jesse so he understood.

"Thank you," she whispered.

She was going to say something else when Olivia interrupted her, " the bus is almost there, Amanda. How are you holding up?"

"I think I'll live," the blonde half smiled, " I don't think it's that bad. is he dead?"

Amanda's boss looked behind her and sighed, "yeah. Do you think you can stand?"

"Yeah," she said already getting on her feet with Carisi's help.

Once they got outside, the ambulance had just arrived and the paramedic put Amanda on the stretcher. Not five minutes later, she was leaving with them.

Once the emergency vehicle was out of view, Fin came running outside. "How is she?"

"I think she'll be fine. She didn't have the time to loose a lot of blood and I think the bullet was through and through," Olivia answered. "Why don't you and Carisi go to the hospital? I'm gonna finish things up here and I'll meet you there," she offered.

"Thanks, Liv," they both said before taking off, not having to be told twice.

* * *

Amanda was waiting in her room; the doctors had told her that she wouldn't need surgery so they stitched her arm and left after telling her that they would keep her for the night to make sure she was alright.

It wasn't long before Fin walked in with Jesse, "hey."

"Hey 'Manda, Jesse wanted to see her mama. How are you holding up?"

"Come here sweety," she said taking her daughter in her uninjured arm, "I'm good, thanks for everything, Fin. They want to keep me for the night to see how my arm's going doing; to make sure there's no permanent damage. Where's Carisi?"

"You're welcome that's what a partner is for," he smirked before answering her question, "he's getting clean up in the bathroom. He'll be here soon."

As he said that, Sonny walked in and went directly to the blonde's side. "I'll leave you three alone..." he said exiting the room.

Once the door was close, the man hugged her. "You okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine... Really, "she affirmed when she saw the face he was giving her. She looked down to her daughter before saying, " is it really over?"

"Yes, it is, sweetheart. He won't try to hurt you or Jesse anymore," he reassured her before kissing her forehead and Jesse's.

"Thank you, Sonny, for everything."

-The End

* * *

 _ ***** So this is it, I didn't think that story would be this long and I was starting to get a bit tired of this story. I hope it doesn't show too much. Anyway thanks for those who took the time the review and I would really appreciate it if you would leave it a final review :) As always, hope you liked it. *****_


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